Healing CPTSD from narcissistic parent abuse by doing what they hypocritically said was wrong

 Hi friends! So I just discovered a really helpful tip to heal CPTSD from narcissistic parent abuse by doing what they hypocritically said was wrong. Let me start by saying that pretty much everything dark tetrad narcissists say is wrong for you to do, is actually right. And what they say is right for them to do to you, is usually wrong.  

So we start by flipping the script they twisted, right side up. Assume that if a selfish, self-serving, manipulative person tells you to do something, that they are not doing themselves, it will be unhealthy and unsafe for you  to do. Which is the crazy-making double standards of narcissist. But you can de-crazy it by just turning it around. If they say you shouldn't you probably should. It's that binary. 

And a biggee that I was taught was taught by my four (count them) dark tetrad parents was that if they were angry, spiteful, punitive, upset, hateful (and they always were) it was my fault. AND I damn well better take it personally if I knew what was good for me. AND there was the double bind expectation that I would react and they would punish me, no matter how I reacted, or if I just calmly responded which I did surprisingly well given the amount of attacks I got. 

You cannot win for losing with dark tetrads because of their constant hypocrisy. You have to take their petty, immature attacks on you personally but you have to do respond with perfectly adult composure. You have to be the bigger person, rise above and respond maturely. BUT then they will attack for "showing off" (showing up their wretched behavior) and being prideful. Because you didn't overreact as they always do and it shows how foolishly arrogant they are. They need to you be both right and wrong. Good and bad. Victim and perpetrator. At the same time. So that they can always have the upper hand while maintaining complete lack of  accountability. 

If you don't play along, it wrecks their carefully constructed house of cards. You get used to doing a shit ton of humoring, dancing to their tune, changing when they change the tune, playing the schlemiel, apologizing for things you didn't do, taking responsibility for them and letting them use you like a tool for whatever weird purpose they want at the moment. You get so used to adjusting yourself to suit their demands that you have no idea who you are. You become a personless chameleon. You lose yourself in this endless rigamarole they play. 

Have I lost you yet? Small wonder. I'm lost myself.  But getting back to doing things differently. What I found helps a lot is ignoring the tune they're playing and not dancing. When they say provocative, antagonistic, idiotic things, just don't respond at all. Don't justify, answer, explain or defend. Pretend you didn't hear it. Don't play their game. If they ask a stupid, shaming question you know is designed to humiliate you, don't answer. Just look at them and move on. Don't dignify it. And don't say why you're not answering. You don't owe anyone and answer to any question that feels awkward. Or actually any question. 

And you know what, sometimes, you do return evil for evil. You pay them back. Turn about is not only fair but necessary play. You retaliate and sometimes two wrongs make things better. I'll blog more on that later.