HI friends. Today in my healing journey I'm relooking at some odd ways my dark tetrad parents acted and seeing it for the attention-seeking performance it was. Here are weird cringy things narcissists will do to steal center stage from the person in the limelight and put it on themselves. Brownie points added for them if they can do it in such a way as to humiliate the person they are drawing attention from or make them look like the the bad guy who caused it. I'll admit upfront, some of these are going to make me sound insensitive. But if you've lived with chronic attention seekers, I think you'll agree. And I'm not saying we should call them out or shame them. Maybe just not get too worked up over what may very well be a fake ploy for pity.
Tripping. I just saw this happen at a play I attended recently. A bit part character (who normally has a leading role) "fell" during the curtain call as the stars were taking bows. Now she might have accidentally fallen. Problem, I've seen her do it before. Of course all eyes are on her now and everyone is worrying if she's okay rather than applauding the curtain call. It's very disconcerting. The audience almost feels guilty for "going on with the show."
Falling. Like tripping this is a sure way to get others to take notice. And don't get me wrong. I'm not saying everyone who falls in public is doing it for attention. I fell in the street when visiting our kids and grandkids. My knees were bleeding but I wouldn't let us be derailed from our plans because I was embarrassed. And I didn't want or need to worry anyone. I was really okay. (Although that is a throwback from childhood when no one knew much less cared if I got hurt.) The way you know someone is probably milking it is when they want to worry others. They exaggerate, lying prone and still. They hold up traffic as they "catch their breath" most likely hoping to leverage as much fuss as possible. They feign inability to get up, they sob dramatically, and more than a little bump would warrant. They are so injured that they can't be looking around to see who's noticing. Six people have to come help them. I don't care if I have to crawl, I'll be damned if I'm going to make a scene like that.
Overdramatizing injury. On the night of our son's wedding rehearsal dinner, my mother (after joining us for the free dinner) "fell" at home. Evidently her foot slipped off a chair she was resting it on and she bumped her cheek as she steadied herself. We got a call from ER saying she was hurt and rushed over (leaving our guests). She insisted on a battery of tests despite not even having a bruise. As you might guess that ended the celebration. And she was pronounced just fine. But she had to, dramatically, miss the wedding and keep her daughter home "just in case." Of course everyone was asking where she was. And she requested a plate of dinner from the buffet. Interestingly, as a child, I fell out of bed, hit my cheekbone and broke it. I had an enormous goose egg but she just sent me to school saying I'd be fine. The school had to call her and tell her that I needed medical treatment and could not return until I'd been checked. She still didn't do it.
Faking "convenient" illness. My mother will come to all celebrations where there is free food provided by me. Once dinner is done and it's cleanup time, she'll suddenly "feel ill" and have to leave. She's not so sick that she doesn't have time to raid the buffet to take heaping plates of leftovers. She does this every time. Or she'll "feel sick" but not call or call at the last minute to say she's not coming. At our grandson's gender reveal, she didn't call at all and we were all worried. We delayed the 1pm party as I kept trying frantically to get in contact. She finally called me at 10:30 pm to tell me she was sick. Then she hinted that our son should take her out to eat (and pay) because she had to miss the party. He did.
Lie about being in need. My mother once told the family at a dinner I was not present for that "sometimes we (as in her new family) don't get enough to eat." The family called me in a panic to see why I was letting mother and her family (of which I've been excluded from) starve. Shame on Mary for not supporting grown ass adults. Said family never batted an eyelash when I was routinely neglected, abused and even kicked out of the house as a teen. I assured them that they had plenty of money for food and even nonsense from Amazon and never missed the queue at the food pantry.
Shouting in church. Yes I said shouting. In church. My mother are of different denominations. She doesn't approve that I converted to Catholicism. She's some kind of Pentecostal (it changes regularly) Bear in mind she doesn't go to church because of her "health" or more usually because she's mad at someone or has outstayed her welcome. (She once expected a church she'd just started to employ her as Sunday School director. She was not even a member and had no credentials or experience teaching let alone directing Sunday school.) Anyway, to prove a point, when she visits our church. she'll yell "AMEN!" and wave her arms. And it's not just Catholic churches. Our extended family are non-yelling Christian Reformed and she did this at her brother's funeral. She pretends it's religious zeal. It's not. It's just garden variety showing off for attention. Even our dearly departed must share the limelight with mother.
Wandering out it traffic. Or just wandering off. She has articulated to me how she will "just decide to walk away and how it worries her caregivers." Yes she expects family to caregive and no she doesn't need it. She will say it's because she gets confused. But she's not so confused that she doesn't know she's doing it. And she also watches to see who's watching when she does it. And she plans to do it. She warns you that you'll be expected to pull her back if she randomly decides to cross the street in oncoming traffic. I watched her look both ways and purposely walk out into traffic. I didn't stop her and she saw I wasn't going to and she stopped. Problem solved. She is not invited on walks anymore.
Dressing inappropriately. When she was young, mom would wear super short dresses and go-go boots to conservative functions. Like my school events. So cringy. She flaunt a bikini when my friends cam over. Then as she got older she began wearing the sloppiest clothing possible. Our extended family actually put a dress code on notices of gatherings because her attire was so embarrassing. Then the coup de grace, she began wearing obvious nightgowns with little bows in public and even to dress up affairs. Like baptisms and weddings. My kids were so uncomfortable they asked me to please do something so she didn't humiliate them. People said I should just talk to her about it. But I think you get why that wouldn't work. She knew exactly what she was doing and it was guaranteed to get all eyes on her. If she couldn't be the hottest she'd be the most pathetic. For their weddings I did buy her appropriate dresses which I couldn't afford. Well, problem solved there too. Now she doesn't get invited. Sucks but I didn't ask for this.
Pie in the face. And other humiliating pranks. My mother and her husband love mocking people until they are the butt of jokes. My mother threw a pie in my face at her work picnic where my kids and I had been invited as guests. She and hubby thought they were hilarious but no one else did. BUT she would get furious if anyone dared prank her. I never have. Mother must always be treated like a queen. Her husband started throwing snowballs and my husband fired back and one when in their precious truck. Stepdaddy dearest went ballistic with name-calling and threats. He wouldn't speak to us for months.
These are just a few of the many things my narcissist mother will do. And she's always coming up with new material so you don't get used to it and prepare. She says she likes to "shock" people because she's "never grown up and just wants to be a kid." Unfortunately it's not child-like and cute. It's malicious and hurtful. And it's only fun when she's humiliating someone else. If she just thinks you're teasing her you'll see her angry, vindictive, spiteful Medusa side but quick.
No comments:
Post a Comment