Hello my friends. Today I'm writing what might be my most controversial post (like your others aren't, you're thinking?!) I'm exploring how most Biblical (and actually a lot of moral/ethical/religious) principles don't apply to women, unless they are narcissist dark tetrads and especially those of us with CPTSD (complex childhood post-traumatic stress disorder). Because the Bible was not written to women and definitely not children. It was written to adult men. I'll explain and btw, if this upsets or angers you, you're free to move on. I'm not asking for permission or approval anymore, except from my Higher Power whom I call God. And I believe this comes directly from Him.
Historically, men and women have been taught polar opposite expectations. Men were rewarded for being ruthless, arrogant, acquisitive, angry, competitive, boastful, bossy dictators. They were taught skills for which they were well paid for. Women did everything else. We were shamed into being subservient, humble, quiet, gentle. Even the hobbies of kids when I was growing up were opposite. Boys built model airplanes, played instruments and sports and enjoyed leisure while girls did chores and then played at simulated chores--childcare, cleaning and cooking. And then read beauty and pop star magazines. Even the chores were different. Girls spent hours daily cleaning the house and taking care of kids. While boys did the 30 second taking the trash out.
So when religious ideas were being handed down, they were aimed at teaching a different path of love, joy, peace, service to others, generosity, patience, self-control and mercy. These have always been female traits. It's what we girls had been doing all along. Religion was for men. And women were excluded. Perhaps because we didn't' kneed to be told to be kind and humble. We already were.
We just existed in the background as sort-of people who did all the heavy lifting. I mean look at religious orthodox Jews: the women do everything including holding down jobs while the men study Torah. It's not just them either. Men in most all religious traditions did the talking, preaching, teaching while women carried the can. Even in not particularly religious homes, moms did most of the work. Oh and if you're concerned I'm on a feminist rant, I most definitely am. But not against religion or men as a whole. Just patriarchal, chauvinist and misogynistic bits.
For most of history women were subject to everyone: fathers, brothers, sons. When we began working outside the home, it was in subservient roles: maids, cooks, teachers, nurses, lollypop ladies. We obeyed them according to the dictates of society in which we lived which was based on the religion of the time and place. We were not fully people. Just drones supposedly with no thoughts, ideas, personhood, feelings or worth.
But news flash--we had all those aplenty. We just didn't dare express them. And our lack of self didn't exempt us from lack of demands and responsibility placed on us. We were too stupid to vote or decide anything. Yet we were expected to pretty much carry the weight of the world. It was constant chaos, confusion, gaslighting, exploitation, manipulation, abuse, neglect and scapegoating. Sound anything like life with dark tetrad parents I've described?
And THIS is why so many traumatized children have been women. Women have been traumatized throughout history. We were subjected to unspeakable things as beginning in tiny tothood. And (raising hand here) religion was used by our parents to perpetuate this horrific half-life on us. It wasn't just the Bible but all religious teaching that seemed to or actually did push us further under the waves. God, we were told, had all these expectations of us but gave us none of the tools, resources or wherewithal to actually complete these expectations. We were told to use self-control but we had NO CONTROL OVER our lives. That was for everyone else...anyone who wanted a piece.
So here's where the problem for us women came in. When this recent paradigm shift occurred and women allowed to play in the sandbox, there was no accompanying shift in teaching specifically to women. We were supposed to just pick up and follow the rules because the de jour policy now includes us. We had to hit the ground running with all the things men had had the power to do since religions began. And we still lacked power, control and options. We had all the work with none of the perks.
Current thinking says we're supposed to have a "relationship" with God. We were given no instruction on what that was supposed to look like save the definitions given to men. Who also had, forgive the repetition, all the tools with which to do this. Which never did and never will resemble anything like what women have been given.
So you can't have it both ways. If women were excluded from religious practice and teaching BECAUSE they were women then the rules cannot apply to them. Women, be honest. How many times have you sat at church or heard a reading or homily or sermon given by men, and felt nothing but frustration and despair? When you hear some guy young enough to be your son telling you about how it's important to be generous and kind. To give of self. To put God first instead of football?
Ummm with all due respect, been there done that all my life, bud. Sacrifice is my freaking middle name. And while you're preaching who do you think is actually doing the giving of which you speak? Women. We're making coffee, cutting up donuts, educating the children, washing the clothes, changing diapers, seeing to it there's enough toilet paper.
So now it's a little more common for men to "help out." And "babysit" their kids. But why do we still call it that if it's not still a problem? We've been following Bible commands all along. That's what we're wired to do. Give, care, carry, support, nurture. Love is patient, kind, gentle, humble, forgiving, merciful, self-sacrificing. If that's not the definition of womanhood, motherhood, sisterhood, daughterhood, I don't know what is.
And these Gen 2.0 men that are for the first time in history stepping up and doing their part have been taught by us women in their lives to emulate us (and God) and be humble, giving and caring. So I guess what I'm saying is, you'll pardon me if I'm a little confused, as to why we're having these conversations. And why I don't find religion particularly helpful. And actually find it frustrating. I get it! Now tell me something that does help.
And having said that, I will. I think the one religion in it's true form, that does address women where they are is Christianity. In the person of Jesus. I'll blog more on that tomorrow.
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