Nonsensical stuff boomer parents actually tell their kids (with a straight face!)

Hi friends. If you said that my past few months of posts have been dark, I would say AF! And today's pretty grim too except that I'm going to try to make it funny. Think rubber crutch and orthopedic ward funny. Or comedy noir. 👺I'm going to share nonsensical, what the actual stuff boomer parents actually say to their kids, with a straight face. Not just dark tetrads parents, normal people. Although dark tetrads, blamey-shamey faux Christian spin certainly adds the whipped cream and cherry to the nutsy-cuckoo sundae. The clinical term for it is word salad😕. I'm not sure why but I love this phrase. 

Do as we say not as we do. Raise your hand if you heard this eyebrow-raiser as a kid. Picture dad chain smoking and paddling Junior for sneaking a cigarette. Talk about phoning it in!  Daddy dearest can do whatever stupid thing he wants but it's okay cuz he told the kid not to. Huh. What does that even mean? And why would I do what you say when you say bullshit you don't live by???? And I don't think you really want me to do what you say because you say some pretty idiotic stuff. 

Shut your damned dirty mouth.  Ummm...pot, kettle? A supervisor once told my husband to "shut the F-ck up" when husband said what the hell about something. Sooo, cursing at someone for cursing. I feel like one of those cartoon characters doing a "doi-oi-oink" double take. 

At your age, we never had all that technology! Um, excuse me but movies were around by 1900s, most everyone had a radio by 1925. And TV by the late 1940s. So unless you were born when Victoria was queen you had technology. 

We played outside back then. Maybe but you also watched endless hours of TV. You can quote entire episodes of Hogan's Heroes and Hee Haw. 

We knew the meaning of hard work. You knew it but did you actually do it? Cuz I don't think I've seen you out of your La-Z-Boy since 1979. I think you're getting bed sores. Are those roots I see growing under you? You call me in from my room down the hall to fetch you a beer from the fridge two paces away. 

We knew the value of a dollar. Yeah, my dollar. And this from the person always short of cash and borrowing money. 

Back in my day, times were so much better. Oh please, stop talking like you lived in Mayberry RFD. Nobody lived in Mayberry! You're younger than I am and I remember 16.9% unemployment, couldn't get a job at McDonald's. And it was great if you were a white male. The rest of us, less so. 

Back then women knew their place. We still do, in the house, senate, presidency and CEO's desk. 

Women steal men's jobs. Is that why you've been living off your girlfriend since 1982? Can't get a  job or won't, I wonder. 

Back then you didn't have to be so afraid of being accused of sexual harassment. I'll just let that one marinate.