Hello my friends. This is another post in my series on gaslighting BS Christians (and probably folks of other religions) put on kids of narcissistic dark tetrad parents. Warning: this post is very direct and I don't mince words or apologize for it. This BS includes but is not limited to generalized Christian precepts shoved on the child with no attempt made to understand her very difficult situation, misconstrued Bible passages taken out of context, rules placed on the child that the child doesn't have the ability to follow and burdens bound to the child that no one is helping to carry. It's cruelty dressed up as godliness. A lot of it is fake made up and not even in the Bible.
Most of it has nothing to do with God at all. It's weaponization of the Bible and God for selfish purposes. It's systematic destruction of a child using religion. A lot of it is just plain wrong even for children not in abusive situations. For kids whose parents are traumatizing, exploiting, invalidating, manipulating, abusing, neglecting, abandoning, endangering, parentifying, scapegoating, triangulating and bullying on a regular basis, it's giving the kid carbolic acid and a cup to drink it with.
This is not helpful or well-meaning. It's hurtful and shaming. It piggybacks on what the child's narcissistic parents are already doing. What Dr. Ramani calls it DIMMER: dismissive, invalidating, minimizing, marginalizing, manipulating, entitled and rageful. In makes an already vulnerable child into raw meat. Kids like me who were already too empathetic, too willing to let people hurt us if it made them feel good, too willing to roll over for any and all abuse that my parents and their partners and kids put on me. We were the ones who got the religious shaming because God forbid our narcissistic parents feel any qualms of guilt. We were (are) their scapegoats.
And it's amazing to me how many people who call themselves Christians are willing to shield the narcissists and enable and perpetuate their cruelty to the child. Even when you flat out tell them what your parents did. In fairness, most of us don't, but these people have eyes and ears. They can see for themselves how we're being treated. And yet they just assume that the nasty things our nasty parents say about us is all true. Even when we don't show one iota of proof that it is.
They just keep blathering on about what God expects of us and how no matter how anyone is treating us, WE have to be the bigger person (when we are CHILDREN!!) We never hear about how our immature parents need to grow up and be adults. Oh no, we just have to take care of them, make exceptions for them and play by all the rules which no one follows for us.
I'm going to have to stop here because this is so painful to write about that I need a break. Will pick later. And on a positive note, which we are all probably more than ready for, I've found some things that have really helped. More later.
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