This is part two of weird nasty, gaslighting garbage my dark tetrad mom has said and done to me. Things I just ignored and never really thought about until I did. I ignored it because I always did the seven Es with my parents: explain away, excuse, exempt them from consequences, exonerate and take the fall for, make exceptions for, expunge and erase from memory. Except that these poisonous words and deeds do not stay quiet no matter how tightly you push them down. Their stains bleed through and they rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune times, in nightmares, trauma responses and emotional flashbacks.
Some of these things may seem trivial or not. Maybe I've gaslit myself because they gaslit me that they were trivial or non existent and that I was just making it up or showing off for attention. And anyway, no one would believe me. So many gaslighting, hypocritical contradictions. If I always excused them whatever they did, how could I also be making up stories to smear them? If they may it so effing dangerous to cross them, why would I risk it? What would there be to show off about? If it was trivial, what would there be to tell people? If no one would believe me, why would it need to be secret? And if it was all okay, what's all the big deal?
I don't know. The few people I've told have been shocked and horrified. I've literally seen them recoil, their eyes pop open, mouths agape with revulsion. They say they have no words to express these atrocities. They use the word atrocity. So maybe the things my dark tetrad parents did are worse than I thought. This is incredibly disgusting and painful to remember or write about. Again, these are in no particular order.
I talked in part one some of the things they've stolen from me. And it wasn't just houses, toys, shoes and cars, it was money. I caught her rifling through my wallet one time. As you do. Yes, literally nose deep in my purse, checkbook open. When I asked what she was doing, she pulled her narcissistic smirk (you know that one where they downplay what they've done and shame you for overreacting all in one frigging irritating facial expression). Then she played the DARVO act saying, fake sweet, "don't you trust me?" I actually fell for that and felt ashamed. She never did offer an explanation which shows me she was checking my bank account balance and/or looking to pocket any cash. And really what other explanation would there be? None. Now I wonder how many times she'd done it before and I didn't catch her.
Oh, and you know how most parents are excited about their kids going to college? How they scrimp and save to send them? How they encourage kids to save for college? Not mine. My mother stole my savings bonds that my grandparents gave me, to fund her new family and enable her jobless boyfriend to lay around abusing everyone. I didn't know this until I had enrolled and asked for the money to pay tuition. She laughed scornfully and said "Oh those...I had to cash them in for your upkeep." Upkeep, my ass. He kicked me out of the house when I was 16 and she let him. My crime was to come in 15 minutes late. And she kept pocketing my dad's child support payments to fund their little schemes. Then lied and said he never paid it. I realized later that pretty much all my possessions had disappeared when she was around.
And she stole my self and my identity. I wasn't a person, to her, I was a possession. And the possession was expected to read minds. Whatever mom wanted, needed, felt at any moment was the priority. I was expected to know and provide it, at my own expense. Dark tetrads don't just want things from people, they want that person to suffer loss in providing it.
"Sometimes I need your mom to be my mom" (she said this to my little daughter when I was trying to do for my child and listen to my mom's dumping tirades about her husband, often about their sex life. Sex has been a big problem for me thanks to the sexual abuse and emotional incest of which a kid playing her mom's sex therapist is an example, so I've learned.)
"Your husband's been drinkin." She weirdly converts all -ing words to -in. She says this with self-righteous, finger-pointing smugness because she believes it's her job to point out other peoples' faults. As if drinking beer (and not her own abusive behavior toward me) is the greater sin. She says it with gleam of schadenfreude, narcissistic smirk and biting sarcasm. She fails to recall that he works 12 hour nights and sometimes, beer is the only way to sleep. But of course that doesn't fit in her hypocritical narrative.
"I could have had an important role in the Salvation Army if it weren't for you." When I was 6, they moved us to Alaska so they could be missionaries to the Indians. Their words. There was no mission work and they only went to be catered to. My mother did nothing all day and expected to be fed, clothed and housed. My dad lit out for some kind of street preaching gig in his head as was only randomly around. She told everyone she was a preacher, then youth group leader. What she was, was a serial cheater who left her daughter to wander alone in insanely dangerous situations.
When she was invited to participate in event at Dutch Village with great-grandkids. She invited her other daughter without asking, expecting both entrance fees to be paid for them, even though she was told upfront. she would have to pay their own way. (She expects everything to be provided for her.) She "forgot" her purse, let us pay with promises of repayment. Then 15 minutes after arriving she proclaimed she was hungry. She expected us to leave immediately to take her out to eat and waste over $100 on park fees when the children whom it was for, were still playing. She never repaid ticket price.
"Where's my supper?" When she'd left her husband for the umpteenth time, she and her daughter came to stay with us so they could go to some hokey job interview one of their fellow scammer friends had supposedly set up. Of course we didn't charge rent because, "family." Well, this "family" expected to be given daughter's room, took it over like a damn hotel and trashed our home. After finding that the mythological job interview, surprise, didn't exist, they took themselves out to eat and came back bragging about it. They brought nothing back for me or my family and then demanded I stop working to cook for them.
When I started my Shipt job, I was a few days into it and I invited them to supper. Now you would think that they would offer to bring supper because I was the one starting the new job. But no. It's all about Nancy being served. On a delivery in the dunes, I literally drove over the edge of the customer's stupidly dangerous platform driveway. I was hanging over a 30ft drop with my foot on the brake, car teetering. I had to wait for tow truck. I would have died if car and I plummeted. But who was I worried about? Nancy's dinner. I called multiple times but she doesn't answer if she doesn't feel like it, just for shits and giggles. When I finally got a hold of them, she irritated said they'd driven all that way for their supper and waited and finally went home hungry. As I was fighting for my life. When I posted the story on Facebook and it went viral, THEN she chimed about how sorry and scared for me, she was. Bullshitter.
She would come over for free things, free meals, pro bono counseling from me, sex therapist services (I'm serious) or whatever shit she was after at the moment. She would feign help with kids but never really do anything. After she got all free things she came for, she'd say in an aggrieved voice, as if we'd held her up, "I've really got to get home to my family." That family consisted of a husband she hated and an adult daughter.
When my husband had to rush me to ER to have emergency surgery on a ruptured, infected boil on my neck they watched the kids. I say watched but when we got home, they were waiting in their car, engine running, young kids alone in the house. They shamed me for "being late" and almost making them miss a meet up with a friend. And yet when one of them has a hangnail, we must all drop what we're doing to rescue. She always leaves early from parties (after she's been fed) saying she has a tummy ache because we "let her eat onions." Funny it starts the same time as the clean up. When my son got married, she came for the free rehearsal dinner meal, then called everyone in a panic because her foot slipped off a chair she was propping it on and she had to be rushed to ER. I'm not kidding.
She lied and said a gift of money she gave me was a loan. After she'd conned me into accepting help she should have been giving me anyway. I believed her and figured I'd misunderstood. I paid her back with the interest she demanded. Now I realize I didn't misunderstand. She knew I might not accept it if I knew it was a loan because I could get that from grandparents. And she would have no way of collecting interest on it. What I'd do now if I was in contact is to demand repayment of that, my child support, college fund and multiple other bad debts plus 40 years of interest.
"Bill says you're kicked out (16). You came home 15 minutes late." It's his house and I have to obey him. Bullshit. When have you ever obeyed him? You ganged up on me with him. And it's not your house or his. It's paid for with my savings, job and child support. And 15 minutes late? You left me alone so many times throughout my life. And kicking me out is illegal.
"Your sister could be such a help to you and family doesn't charge family for babysitting. Sister was not help. She was lazy. And I was not reimbursed for all the stuff I bought for her over that summer of supposed help. And family did charge me for all kinds of things. So I could do for her but I couldn't correct her because they would rain down on me like fire. They lied and made up all sorts of shit I supposedly did. Though sister remembers that I took better care of her than they ever did.
"Bill is very angry with you. (when wasn't he?) He says you lied about him writing you an I'm sorry note." A note in which he apologized for yet another of his vicious attacks on me ( I had the note to prove it). When I told her in confidence that I actually treasured it. Never divulge anything to a dark tetrad. Oh, then it was "Bill is ready." (to make peace after months of angry, arrogant cold shoulder, over his OWN blow up at me complete with screaming character assassination in public and threats of violence while I was holding my baby. Translation: we need you to babysit free again.
"Yeah so I threw a pie in your face. (!) Grow up and don't be so childish. (!)." see previous post for that story.
"I never left you behind in Alaska to go have surgery." When in fact, she left me with strangers on a remote island for a week, telling me she had a bladder infection and had to go to Seattle 1800 miles away (we had no money). I wouldn't have known at 6 what a bladder infection was or that such a place as Seattle existed. We think now it might have been to get an abortion. She had quite a reputation for sleeping around and we had no money for plane tickets. So, yeah.
I never left you at 11, with my boyfriend that abused you and the four special needs foster kids under age 5 for a week. I would have lost my foster care license.
"The food you made was spoiled. We had to make more" (hand out for repayment. Food was not spoiled. They ate it all.) "I'm just going to add a bunch of stuff to your cart and I'll pay you back (never does)"
(comes out of daughter's room where she insisted on sleeping, naked and wakes me up) "My spirit is restless after you let me watch LOTR. Do you have a Bible?" (Jibe at us being Catholic, assuming we don't read the Bible. Lets husband keep me up all night as a kid watching horror movies and letting their 5 year old watch them)
Okay so we're making gifts this year to save money but I expect a negligee from you.
That's of the devil. (to husband on his Joy of Homebrewing book)
Freely discusses her vagina, "large" breasts, sexual history with my husband.
Tells me facts of life illustrating with her own sexual conquests. Weaponizes sexual assault telling me about boyfriend who "assaulted" her. Boyfriend is father of kid who actually did harass me with dirty letters. She told me to ignore it then took up with father.
Invited herself to Christmas, got on Pro-Trump MAGA rant and then snapped "so you don't approve of speaking the truth because it's Christmas?" when I asked her to stop.
I might have to take custody of you children. (after pretending to care, lying and making up child abuse accusations which were actually things she had done to me)
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