Disclaimer: not my cheeriest of posts. I've been blogging about how I lost 100 pounds. I'm trying to lose weight again because I gained weight after having shoulder surgery. I have been feeling more stressed, anxious, even depressed of late. So I want to address these struggles and how they affect weight loss. But I'm not sure I have much in advice to give. And maybe that's where I need to begin.
Our parish priest always says "you can't pour from an empty cup" which is an old expression but seems to fit where I often find myself. Trying to fix situations that I didn't break. That need to help paved my road to obesity and has sometimes kiboshed my efforts at weight loss. I know that none of you has asked or expected me to fix anything. You've probably read this blog more out of kindness than from any pearls of wisdom I've given.
But still, I feel responsible, obliged to provide solutions to weight loss. This is just one of the many situations I feel responsible for. I have used myself as a body block or buffer to keep others from feeling pain, sometimes even pain they brought on themselves. The intense pressure was exhausting. I overate not to comfort but to energize. It didn't work. I just got overweight and then obese. But I still felt (feel) driven to fix, help and smooth over problems..
So I may not have any answers but I do have ideas. I remember that part of how I lost 100 pounds was to find the triggers and deal with them. So what are the triggers now? We've been under quarantine for Covid-19 for over a year. Despite doing everything he could my husband has Covid-19. He sanitized his belt for pete's sake. He never bitched about not being able to go out to eat. He never complained or blamed. He's been so patient but is stressed and miserable.
I'm worried, scared and feeling guilty because the one thing we didn't do was to get the vaccine. Our reasons were good. But I still feel irresponsible.
I'm also furious with the people who go out in public and refuse to wear a mask. Even to church! For those who heedlessly go to Florida, on vacation, who enjoyed a nice non-socially distanced Spring Break, oblivious to the fact that Covid-19 numbers are higher than ever. I'm sick of trying to stay healthy and keep them healthy when they clearly don't give a shit about anyone else. I hold them culpable for their selfish behavior which has caused so many illnesses and deaths.
So what's this all got to do with weight loss? Nothing and maybe everything. I need to keep on doing what I need to do, despite difficulties. But maybe more importantly, I need to deal with the deeper issues and not take it out on myself. I think I need to quit trying to be politically correct with the problem children and speak my truth.
Love you all!
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