Types of blind guides and how each derails healing (part 2 of series)

 Hello my friends. I've begun a series on blind guides--people who pose as helpful who actually hinder healing. In this case, healing from narcissistic parent abuse. In this post I'll explain the different types of blind guides and how each can derail healing. 

1) Situational/triggered blind guides These are the ones who makes toxic comments as trauma responses in situations in which he is triggered by his own issues. This is the person who kneejerk says "your parents meant well" when hearing something cruel they did because he is recalling his own traumatic childhood and trying to convince himself that his parent meant well. He is essentially aware and sensitized except around issues that activate his own shame. 

2) Naive/Inadvertent blind guides. These are generally very young people, such as your children, who have no understanding of your life because you raised them better than you had it yourself. Which is kind of a double edged sword. You raised them so well that they can't conceptualize narcissistic parents abusing a child the way you were abused. Because unfortunately, often the only way to empathize is to experience. And you also raised them to give their grandparents unmerited respect. And their grandparents may  have treated them differently from you. And you taught them self-confidence and that it's okay to question parents, where those things were denied you. So they speak self-confidently, sometimes, about things they don't understand. They question your experiences, memories and trauma responses, not to shame you (although it feels that way because that's all you know). They think they are helping you and maybe they are. It may just not be the right time for you to hear it. Either way, you don't have to kowtow to or be angry with them. You can own your own truth, painful as it is and be proud that you gave them with healthier truth than you were given. 

3) Intentional blind guides These are just what they sound like: blatant, shameless, "in yo face" BS-ers. These high-and-mighty folks purposely shame, deceive, trip you up and lead you the diametric opposite direction from healing. They trigger all your worst trauma responses--fight, flight, freeze, fawn, fix. Very often they are religious blind guides who gaslight you with all kinds of weaponized misquoted scripture, to humiliate and break you down. And they bear a strong resemblance to your malignant narcissistic parents from whose abuse you are trying to heal. 

Here's my post on detoxing from blind guides' gaslighting.