Narcissist parents gaslight and disorient kids with "gotcha" questions

Hello my friends. Today in my quest to heal CPTSD from narcissist parent abuse, I'm examining how  narcissist parents gaslight and disorient kids with "gotcha" questions.  These intentionally loaded, manipulative tactics aren't questions as much as devious character attacks designed to trap people into lose-lose situations. They aren't fact-finding but accusatory. The point is to corner, humiliate, undermine and flip the power differential around so that the gotcha victim is left floundering. And if "gotcha" questions are difficult for adults they're a hellish nightmare for children. 

My narcissist parents used gotcha questions and entrapments masterfully with me. Curiously, however they also "got" themselves because many of the things they supposedly trapped me in were situations they orchestrated or were culpable in. For example, my mother would tell me to go play in the park, three blocks away, alone, at age 5. She'd say "just don't go in the bathroom because there's a man who touches little girls in there." 

When I came home (after using the bathroom because it was too far to walk and I was too young to understand), she said "you disobeyed me and went in the bathroom, didn't you?" I was so ashamed and thought my terrible sin was somehow written all over my face. What I didn't realize is that this was her set up so I would be so embarrassed I wouldn't tell anyone that my mother put me in danger by sending me to the park in the first place. 

Narcissist parents use gotcha questions to keep the child focused on her own "bad behavior" and not her parents' much worse actions. Malignant narcissist parents (dark tetrads) also do it to "implicate" the child in things they did themselves. The gotcha questions are phrased in such a way that there is no right way to answer. No matter what the child says, she will be wrong. It will look like she is just lying to protect herself. 

Narcissist parents will accuse her of defending herself and not taking responsibility. That's one part of their gaslighting. Defending yourself by explaining what happened or telling your side of things, is a form of taking responsibility. You are taking ownership of  what you did or didn't do. But the parents twist it by saying the child explaining herself is "just making excuses." That defending herself is disobediently defying parental authority. 

This presents all kinds of dangers for the child to fall into. First, it teaches her that obeying authority is the be all end all. No matter how toxic, irrelevant or false that authority. It teaches her that taking care of other people trumps taking care of herself. It teaches her that obedience to parents is all that matters, whether they are healthy loving parents who are safe to obey. Or if they are dementor control freaks whose aim is to destroy the child with self-indulgent, inappropriate and exploitative demands. 

Malignant narcissist parents don't ask leading or gotcha questions to help their children or teach them healthy ways. They do it to coerce, entrap, ensnare, trip up and cause them to fall. Malignant narcissist parents are stumbling blocks to their children. Because they like to humiliate and because they are trying to camouflage their own bad behavior by keeping the spotlight on the child.  

Parents by virtue of holding the parent title already have the power differential. They make decisions for, control resources of and dictate their child's life. A healthy parent recognizes that with this power comes responsibility. Malignant narcissist parents (dark tetrads) are irresponsible power hungry control freaks. They do all they can to further increase the power differential so that they hold all the cards. They do this to strip the child of the legitimate autonomy she does possess so they can possess her body and soul.