Hello my friends. I've been writing a lot about my past with four narcissist parents, two bio and their partners. I've explored my childhood, growing up, early and middle adulthood. Now at 61, I've finally gone no contact with the ones that are still alive. We've discussed how their abuse, neglect, endangerment, abandonment, exploitation, invalidation, triangulation, scapegoating and gaslighting about it all, damaged me. What we haven't discussed are the effects of this lifetime of nastiness on the narcissists themselves. So today, I'll share, from my experiences, how aging narcissist parents ultimately and inevitably end up. And, spoiler alert, it ain't pretty.
Narcissists implode on themselves as they age. Narcissists are very dysfunctional, to say the least. Their grandiosity, arrogance, entitlement, exploitative and often cruel behavior isn't sustainable. Their pathological jealousy, deceit, bitterness, rage, disagreeableness, competitiveness, haughty pride, petulance, venom, bile is corrosive not only to others but to themselves. All their dark tetrad traits rot them from the inside out.
Narcissists collapse under the weight of their own pride-swollen heads. Pride goes before a fall, we're told. Narcissist believe they aren't just equal to God, they are gods. Which of course, being just mortal these delusions and illusions are impossible to maintain. They trip over their own inflated egos.
A narcissist's charm fades. When they were younger, sexier, cuter, they got away with more. They were never as awesome as they thought but people were more inclined to turn a blind eye. She's young. She'll outgrow it. That's just how she is. But she never grows up. She just grows more entitled, arrogant and full of herself. And it's not cute anymore.
The narcissist parents are outshone and outdone. Kids come along who are cute and they are kryptonite to their narcissist parents. They expect to always be in the spotlight but now they have to share. Their masks slip and what they passed off as "just joking" and high-spirited is revealed as passive-aggressive and mean-spirited spite. She knows she's not getting younger and resents this. And the child just throws petrol on the flames. The sweeter and more loved the child is, the more jaded, vicious, malicious and petty narcissist parents become. And what was mildly annoying, toxifies as they age.
Narcissists get caught in their web. Like spiders, narcissists spin elaborate webs of deceit. Initially, when they are younger, they may be able to get away with spinning their alternate realities. But decades of continually twisting, distorting, convoluting and gaslighting comes back to bite them. They get confused by their own deceptions. They forget who they told which untruths. They get trapped and have to tell more lies which tighten the web around them even more.
Narcissists burn bridges and blow through people like a torch. The old saying goes you can fool some of the people some of the time but not all the people all the time. Pretty soon, folks catch on to the narcissist's game. They start seeing the double standards, hypocrisy, superiority complexes, condescending, self-righteousness, back-stabbing, love bombing only to get their way. People start seeing that they don't matter to the narcissist. They are just useful. The narcissist wears out her welcome and people close the door to her. The few that hang around either can't leave, are too gaslighted to kick out the narcissist or have a vested interest in staying.
Narcissists are both outed and blindsided by narcissism in others. Both my narcissistic parents ended up with others narcissists when they remarried. Their response proved them narcissists. Instead of soldiering on, trying to make the best of it, as I did when I got stuck with them as parents, they weaponized it. They pretend to suck up and then malign them behind their backs. Double whammy. Then they gaslit me into thinking I was responsible to and for them all. Triple whammy. They played DARVO and used me as a confidante to get pity because they were so "mistreated" by their new people. But also made me serve them. Then they got narc supply sanctimoniously calling out the other arrogant people for their arrogance. Then, they switched again and suddenly were martyrs "forgiving" their narcissist mates and telling me I had to do likewise. For shit that had only been done to me. How many whammies are we even on?? But it doesn't matter because sooner or later...
Narcissists suffocate themselves over time. It doesn't matter how many costume changes they make, how much twisting they do, how much gaslighting nonsense they say. All their immoral, cheating, scamming, unethical, irresponsible, impulsive, risky, chaotic, abusive, wickedness comes full circle. All the infidelity, bed-hopping, attacks, smear campaigns, property damage, threats, insults, set-ups, slandering, child abuse and neglect, shady deals, theft, deceit: You cannot live like this and not have some backsplash. They face medical, financial, social, legal, disciplinary consequences that are direct results of poor choices: bankruptcy, prison, lawsuits, STDs, divorce, revenge cheating, you name it, it's coming for them.
They run out of people to trample on and end up alone, helpless and afraid. You who have always rescued them, will be tempted to rescue them again. But you can't and shouldn't. No I'm really serious. Don't. They're not as helpless as they would like you to think. They just want you to do for them. They like being catered to. They won't thank you. They'll just criticize, nitpick, whine, DARVO, punish and take advantage of you like they always have. All their usual dirty tricks. You will only get shit on for your trouble. Because they have never been accountable for their actions and always blamed and made others clean up after them. And look where it's gotten us.
No amount of money, pity, love, bailouts will stop that. Nothing will save them from their colossal arrogance but complete ruin. If anything can. If it can't, it's still not your problem. If they die in their pride, it's their choice. They got what they wanted. This is from the Bible, not me.
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