Hello my friends. I've been sharing how I lost 100 pounds in surprising ways. As I look back, a lot of how I lost 100 pounds had to do with addressing childhood trauma responses, toxic shaming and narcissist parent abuse and gaslighting. Healing CPTSD from narcissist parent abuse was a big part of how I lost 100 pounds. Today I'm sharing how I lost 100 pounds by reading the red flags toxic narcissists and blind guides were waving.
So toxic people do not mean to wave red flags. They want you to fall into their abuse without seeing it as abuse until it's too late. Their red flags are inadvertent warning signs you can read in what they say and do. Such as learning which snakes are poisonous by their markings. What I'm sharing are the dangerous signals narcissists and blind guides give off, that already traumatized people miss.
First a note on blind guides. These are people who pose as helpers who, by their ignorant arrogance, make our suffering so much worse with their gaslighting, toxic shaming and bullying. And they act and talk remarkably like our narcissist parents, thereby perpetuating our trauma. Here are some of their behaviors, mannerisms and sayings to avoid.
Self-important liars, cheats, cons, rumormongers, backstabbers, gossips, pot stirrers. Proverbs 6:16 spells it out. Things God hates: A proud look (narcissistic smirk), a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked imaginations (schemes), feet that be swift in running to mischief (troublemakers) a false witness that speaks lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Arrogant Christian hypocrisy. So that is a contradiction in terms and a major red flag, to start with. Christians are called to be humble doers of the word, not haughty preachers of it. So anyone who talks the talk without walking it, should be ignored. How do you spot Christian hypocrites? By listening to how they tell others what to do without doing it. Watch out for double standards and arrogant, ignorant posturing.
Sweet vs. Kind. You know, I'm not a fan of plain sugar. It hurts my teeth and makes me feel a little sick. And that's how you know a narcissist/ blind guide. They feign sugary sweetness but their words are bitter, harsh, metallic, toxic. There is no love, just judgmental self-righteousness. And once you look past the gaslighting nonsense, you see that they're not even sweet. They aren't peacemakers, they are passive-aggressive. They aren't real, but disingenuous. They aren't smiling, they're simpering, smirking and sneering. They don't reach out, they push down.
Dodgy motives. Once you start seeing the fake, you start questioning the motives and you find they are really dubious. They aren't trying to help. They curry favor, ingratiate, bully, mock, belittle, malign, character assassinate, plant seeds of doubt against you, set you up, shame, ambush. They get their kicks off humiliating you. They don't speak truth, but a warped fictional, opinionated, agenda-based deception. They twist, manipulate, exploit, distort and invalidate.
Bizarre, disturbing toxic comments. Funny how the people who proclaim to help you, often make such undermining, devaluing, invalidating comments. And when coupled with hypocrisy, smirking, self-adulation, twisted motives and unkind, fake sweetness, it's a Molotov cocktail. You know the toxicity by the way their comments leave you feeling destabilized. Because they aren't building up, they are undermining you. They INTEND to destabilize you.
Questioning and second-guessing. Not themselves, in humility. No, toxic blind guides question you and gaslight you into questioning yourself. They poke holes in your common sense. They sabotage your defenses and self-care skills. They second-guess your motives. None of this they have the slightest authority or ability to do. They speak from ignorant arrogance, not wisdom. They pervert, subvert and distort.
Speak for God. This is at the crux of their wickedness. They will tell you that they know God's will and their toxic shaming is God's will for you. They say it's for your own good. It's NOT it's their will and they speak from self-serving ends. They claim to speak for God but their pride shows they speak from evil. Anyone who would proclaim to know the mind of God and speak for him is a liar and poser. They aren't speaking God's word they are setting themselves up as God. And that is the one unpardonable sin, unrepented pride.
So how is the part of how I lost 100 pounds. Shame, deceit and chaos cause dysregulation, anxiety, trauma responding, stress and depletion. My body pooled resources to protect me. Unfortunately, it couldn't provide emotional resources or self-care skills. It could only store fat. I had to learn and practice self-care skills to heal from CPTSD and obesity from this.
I did this by feeling and acknowledging the hurt of their comments. I began to question the blind guides and narcissists in my life, instead of myself. I stopped listening to their sick, perverted gaslighting, selfish lies and began hearing my truth. The truth.
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