10 gestalt ways to access and heal childhood trauma

Hello my friends. Today in my quest to heal childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse, I'm going to share 10 gestalt ways to access and begin to heal from childhood trauma. Gestalt, if it's an unfamiliar word, means that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. These ways to access and heal pain are bigger and further reaching than the simple words used to describe. And they have profound impacts on healing. 

Share your pain. And by share, I do mean just that. Communicate your experiences to loving, caring people. AND allow them to share their burdens with you. It's a two-way street of give and take. You probably don't need to be told that last part. Those of us with childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse have been everyone's sounding board, toxic waste dump, therapist, parent, except our own. 

Avoid trauma dumping. If you've experienced childhood trauma I probably don't need to say this but I will just as a disclaimer. Don't trauma dump on anyone who will listen. Don't take advantage of compassion. I know, the rage is so overwhelming that shouting it from the rooftops doesn't seem enough. I feel that. (And I have a better platform for it so keep reading.) But if you turn every situation into an opportunity to air grievances, you will soon find yourself with no friends. 

Don't let FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) silence you. So trauma dumping is a concern but probably a larger one for kids with childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse, is that we wall it up. We've been squashed by narcissistic parent bullies into thinking we're stupid nuisances with no right to speak up. We've wrongly been afraid of, obligated to and guilty that we're not catering to them always. And we shouldn't. Let empathetic listeners hear your stories. You deserve that. 

Use your words. And I do mean your words, not someone else's paraphrased, interpreted, translated version. A listener may check for comprehension, if it seems unclear, by saying what she heard you saying. Even that's at bit dicey. But anyone who insists on putting your experiences "in their own words" is gaslighting you. What they are saying is "you need to hear my OPINIONS on your suffering." They don't get to have opinions on what are your experiences. These blind guides are invalidating and minimizing you and should be avoided. 

Participate cautiously in group therapy. Choose confidantes carefully. In groups there's more likelihood of shaming, invalidation, judgementalism, blind guides, know-it-alls, etc. I experienced this even in Alanon which is supposed to be non-judgmental with no unsolicited advice giving. I shared that childhood trauma made it difficult for me to know right from wrong. I was told sarcastically that "of course you know." Leaders told me later she should have been checked. But no one did. It really derailed healing. 

Say uncomfortable things. Not like your narcissistic parents did for shock value, attention seeking or showing off. I mean don't go along to get along if your experience is different. So often there's a group think that doesn't fit childhood trauma survivors. Yet we just keep quiet which implies agreement. In a Bible study, women were talking about the virtue of endless servitude. I said that you can serve too much. I was literally attacked and scolding before I could even explain what I meant. I was humiliated and about to backpedal like I always do till one woman said, "I know what Marilisa means and I agree." It only takes one. But if there's not that one, still don't backpedal. Sometimes yours is the voice of common sense others may need to hear. (side note: on serving, those women told me by their actions that they had not been made to endlessly serve selfish arrogant parents or they wouldn't be waxing so eloquent about it.) 

Child and pet therapy. It always amazes me how healing it is to spend time with children. My own children were literally my lifelines. And their children, my grandchildren are continuing the therapy, just by reading books, playing little cars and babies (dolls). And pets are quintessential unconditional love sources. Just petting my little cat when he jumps on my lap and demands affection, is so healing. 

Blog/Vlog/Write about it. I'm not to the vlogging point yet because two of my narcissistic parents are still alive. I'm not strong enough yet to face the inevitable backlash if I went more public than this blog. But I intend to. There are many great vloggers already discussing narcissistic parent abuse, like Dr. Ramani, Jerry Wise, Patrick Teahan, Danish Bashir, Kris Reece, and Dr. Les Carter. But each story has a place and you'll find writing yours so therapeutic. 

Start a Trauma playlist. Here's one called Trauma that a dear friend began and invited me to be part of. There's so much good music out there that helps access and heal childhood trauma. Sometimes, only in song, can we spell out the pain. 

Write poetry. I have a blog called The Writer's Garden here. I've explored a lot of experiences and themes related to my childhood trauma experiences, the abuse, neglect, invalidation, exploitation, endangerment, abandonment, scapegoating, gaslighting, toxic shaming and parentification. I go really big with feelings of fear, anger, confusion, guilt and shame. 

Reach out. Sit with other people in their pain. Hold space for them. Develop relationships of mutuality and reciprocity. All your life, probably, like me, you've been in transactional relationships where you never got your part of the bargain. You've been paying on things you could never possess. Look for new healthier relationships in which you support each other. And if you can't find anyone, I'm here. We can meet in this blog. And you can know that I hold space for you. 

Be the change. What got me started on my journey to heal from childhood trauma, (at 59!) were the AITA threads on Reddit. So often, too often I read kids stories of narcissistic parent abuse. And I finally got it that, wow, that was me. Is me. I began responding to some of the posts, encouraging these young people, as I wish I'd been encouraged, to see the gaslighting abuse for what it is. So I pay it forward and in so doing, hopefully pay back in healing to my inner child for all the pain she endured alone. 

So I gave you 12 gestalt ways to access and childhood trauma, bonus added!