Getting Omicron on top of Long Covid 19: the good, the bad and the ugly

I'm not at my best today. Husband and I are recovering from Omicron infection on top of long Covid 19 and we've learned some things that we don't like. Here's the good, the bad and the ugly of double covid infections. (Disclaimer: we wore masks, practiced social distancing, sanitized, got vaccinated, no Covid deniers here.)

The good about Omicron and long covid: Nothing. 

The bad about Omicron and long covid. Long covid causes inflammation around the heart in many sufferers. Getting a second infection doubles the impact of long covid. It makes breathing problems more difficult and if you already have compromised respiratory issues or autoimmune problems, such as OSA (sleep apnea, arthritis, chronic pain and chronic sinus in my case), really not good. 

If you have SWSD (shift work sleep disorder) as both my husband and I have, him working 12-hour nights and weekends and me trying to keep up with his schedule plus my own day shift, really, really not good. Oh and did I mention PTSD? That's caused problems for me since childhood, in the form of crazy, bad, non-stop dreams. So extra sleep problems on top of sleep apnea and SWSD. 

The ugly about Omicron and long covid. I've wrestled with anxiety, guilt, shame, depression and low self esteem all my life. Being an empath, I've carried a lot of peoples' burdens and not been very good at knowing where I stop and others begin. It's all mine to carry. I was not properly cared for as a kid. Self-care was not taught and consequently, not practiced. I was managing these things but then long covid kicked it all in the ass. Chronic fatigue, pain and exhaustion make something as simple as rolling over in bed or stooping to pick up a grandchild feel like scaling K-2. 

And now, the really ugly: paranoia and fear. I'm afraid to admit this chronic fatigue and pain because I fear scorn and disbelief. You're just making excuses, the voices say. Covid isn't real. It's all in your head. Covid deniers can be a pretty pushy bunch. Sometimes they've managed to gaslight me into thinking I have imagined it. 

Because gaslighting is an old acquaintance. All those experiences from childhood, of being disbelieved, shamed, gaslighted into thinking right was wrong and wrong was right, and I was always wrong, that I was able to get past, now haunt me. Long covid brain fog makes it hard to sort out and address. I end up tilting at windmills. Exhaustion makes me not care. What the hell, let it consume me. 

So what about faith, you may wonder. Yes, I call myself a Christian. I believe and trust in God's care. I think. Sometimes I don't know if I do or if I just think I do. Long hauler brain fog confuses and disorients me. But then I hear the covid deniers mantra "faith over fear." and weirdly that one is what shines a light. Not in its accuracy, but in its crazy-dangerous wrongness. 

Faith over fear in its true sense means that we choose to trust God rather than fear the enemy. Faith over fear in the Covid denier version is a lunatic notion that if you have enough faith, you won't get sick. And that this magical "faith" trumps common sense prevention (masks, vaccines, social distancing) which deniers have gaslighted us into thinking is fear and something to be ashamed of. 

So what is the conclusion? To accept that long haulers must take it one day at a time. I was taught to ignore suffering, harm and pain. Now, old voices tell me that acceptance that I will have some good and bad days, is weakness and attention-seeking self-pity. And I admit, I'm tempted to believe them. To give in to what is really fear. But then, it angers me that thanks to God, I've made so much progress in the war against depression, shame and anxiety. And in this case, anger is a good thing. It energizes me to keep trying, seeking, praying and trusting my higher power. 

What struggle is behind the next little window on the Covid calender? Dunno. I guess we'll burn that bridge when we come to it. (Thank you, husband, for that hilariously empowering mental image!)

Thanks for reading me out. If you're a long hauler pal, I'm rooting for you. All my love, mar

Covid 2.0: A bit more coherent, less ranty discussion

 Hello friends, a few days ago I posted a pretty raw rant about my husband getting Covid 19 again despite being vaxxed and taking every precaution. And I want to set the record straight because I fear I may not have been clear. (You tend not to be when you are scared for someone you love). So first off, yes, I got Covid (Omicron) too, no surprise. I was expecting to. And second, I was not faulting the Covid 19 vaccine for us getting it again. I get how this works: the vaccine doesn't prevent you getting Covid 19. It just helps prevent you dying from it. 

It doesn't prevent others near you getting it because for one thing Omicron is more contagious though typically less dangerous. What prevents the spread is a larger population getting vaccinated AND following protocol of distancing, wearing masks, quarantining, etc. Which was the gist of my rant a few days ago. Covid deniers and pooh-pooh-ers won't do either, mask up or get vaccinated. And that angers more for myself and mostly for others. 

It sounds so pious to prat "faith over fear" until you've had Covid or Omicron variant. When you are coughing yourself raw, so hard that you can't catch a breath, coughing so hard you gag and vomit and wet yourself, you aren't thinking much about faith or fear. You are just trying to keep oxygenated and not choke to death on your own phlegm. And don't get me started on the headaches, body aches, dehydration delirium and (worst of all) long haul Covid brain fog. Which I had not yet recovered from (if I ever will) after Covid round one 20 months ago. 

So far, Omicron seems shorter and in some ways less severe. We didn't get the revolving door fever --102 at night, breaks in the morning, spikes again at night, lather, rinse repeat for 14 solid days. We didn't get dehydrated (with crippling headaches, delirium, orange poop, brown pee) but because we were prepared with Body Armor. We haven't had any appetite so weight loss is a real probability which for me won't be a big deal but for Albert, who lost 17 pounds in a week and doesn't have a lot to spare, is. And really this kind of weight loss is good for no one. 

I'm sorry to be so graphic. Or am I? Sometimes blunt is the only way to wake people up. It's time to stop stop talking in cutesy, meaningless sound bytes, time to quit turning a blind eye, and downplaying Covid's seriousness. Time to quit flinging fairy dust in people's eye's to distract them from the real issues. To quit making up falsehoods (lying), quit faulting the "liberal media" or Joe Biden. It is time to begin taking seriously our own part in the spread of this life-altering and sometimes life-ending disease.