Hey there my friends! I began this blog to share how I lost 100 pounds without anti-obesity medication or weight loss surgery. Then I started exploring why I was so anxious and had such low self esteem. And I traced it to CPTSD from narcissist parent abuse. So I wove that into this blog. Now I'm seeing how much obesity, weight gain, weight loss and narcissistic abuse are related. Today I'm exploring how I lost 100 pounds by ignoring narcissist parent gaslighting and all gaslighting about weight loss.
Let me begin by identifying what is gaslighting versus just lies, unsolicited advice or defenses of opinion. Gaslighting is denying reality. It' not just denying another person's reality, but reality in general. The gaslighting person denies someone else's experiences. They say "it never happened, wasn't that bad, you're making it up, showing off for attention" blah, BS, blah. As you might imagine, narcissist parents are some of the worst gaslighters because they are strategically placed in a child's life, to do so. And they have a vested self-interest in keeping narcissistic abuse hidden and their abused child, silent.
As you might also imagine, it really does a number on the child's self-esteem, being told they are lying, making things up or showing off. It destroys her self-care skills and replaces them with defense mechanisms of fight, flight freeze and fawn. Being bullied by her parents makes her a target for other bullies. It also makes the child, I guess gullible is the word. She's used to believing her arrogant, entitled, deceitful parents over her own common sense. So she falls for things a better cared for, championed, supported and nurtured child would not.
I felt obliged to fall for other people's crap. I felt obligated to roll over for any abuse and let them because that is what my parents said a "good girl" did. Oh so much wrong with that. Children of malignant narcissist parents like mine, will literally allow others to rape them (emotionally, mentally, physically, religiously) and then thank them for the privilege. There are no words for the level of depravity of malignant narcissists.
By gaslighting (denying reality and the child's right and responsibility to protect herself) malignant narcissist parents deprive their child of life. Of self. Of confidence. As I wrote recently, they tell the child she can't do things she can. They cripple her. So what does that have to do with how I lost 100 pounds? Everything.
The chronic stress from their strategic chaotic gaslighting caused me to dwell in constant cortisol bursts which damaged my brain. Their weaponized deprivation, invalidation, manipulation, torture, undermining exhausted me. I put on weight easily because I didn't have the energy even to keep my eyes open. I also lost weight from deprivation but always saw myself as fat. Soon I was gaslighting, second-guessing, invalidating myself. I did lot of weight yoyoing. And through it all, got shamed and blamed by my parents. You're too thin and it's making us feel outshone. You're too fat, you little pig. We'll put you on a 1,000 calorie diet at 8.
This went on for nearly five decades till, one bright day, the sun shone and I was able to see through the gaslighting. I was morbidly obese and hated myself. I started hitting my fat. And then I stopped and realized. I can change this. I'd always been told I'd fail at whatever I tried. But for once, I just thought, what if they are wrong? What if I can succeed at weight loss. And I did. Ignoring their gaslighting was how I lost 100 pounds. Mind you, the gaslighting didn't stop. I just chose to ignore it. I was still being told that I couldn't do it with calorie restricting, intermittent fasting, keto diet etc, after I had already lost weight! All of which were part of how I lost 100 pounds without drugs or surgery.
Which proves to me that gaslighting is nothing more than delusional lies. They don't even hear themselves. But we do. We hear the illogical, nonsense. And when we stop listening is when we start hearing our own truth.
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