Hello my friends. Are you dealing with childhood trauma? Today I'm going to share one essential thing you so do now to heal childhood trauma from malignant narcissistic parent abuse. Start seeing blind guides for their toxic positivity the red flags they wave. Begin to hear their agenda-based unsolicited advice for the poison it is. Avoid blind guides at all costs because they will derail your healing faster than a boulder on the tracks.
Who are the blind guides? They are people who don't see, know or understand situations but talk as if they do. They are ignorant, arrogant hypocrites. They make you think, with gaslighting, deceit and manipulation, that they know all and are sent from God to call you to the right path which you are avoiding. They aren't and you aren't. All they do is lead you astray. Check out my other articles for more details on blind guides.
Blind guides are everywhere: in families, schools, workplace, churches, the doctor's office, friend groups, even psychologist's chairs. Not everyone who tries to help is a blind guide. But anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable, destabilized, insecure or worthless, is. This is their tool and you need to recognize it for what it is. It is not, in fact, a tool but a weapon to destroy you with.
Truly loving, caring people do not make you feel stupid or foolish. They may be trying to help you find a better way, but they do not do it by shaming, undermining, questioning, humiliating, scolding, attacking or invalidating, as blind guides do. And what's most sadistic, cowardly and telling about their cruelty is that they target the most vulnerable and fragile ones to attack. And there's none so vulnerable as one with childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse.
So now you may have some questions which I'll attempt to answer. I said that they make you feel uncomfortable and you may be wondering if maybe discomfort is part of learning new healthier behaviors. Ehhh, a little yes, but mostly no. Unfamiliar might be a better way to describe new patterns we try to learn to heal.
This is not the discomfort that blind guides make you feel. Oh they will say their job is to unsettle you and shake you up. That's a religious trope that Christian narcissists have taken and run with. My mother firmly believes that God has given her dispensation to "shake people out of their complacency" and "call them to repent" despite her own unrepentant, unprincipled, unethical, unkind and illegal behavior. He categorically has not and makes that explicitly clear.
Blind guides make you feel ashamed, insecure, foolish and stupid. They confuse you with their hypocritical double standards, twisted ethics and made up rules. They say things that sound nonsensical because they are. We know this, it's just that we have been conditioned by malignant narcissistic parents to devalue and ignore our own common sense. We have been taught to believe their gaslighting over God's Word.
So you may be wondering, how do I recognize a blind guide. Excellent question and one I'm still working to answer. But the more I learn about their toxicity, the easier they are to spot. Every blind guide I've encountered (and I've encountered a lot) has left me with a vague bad taste in my mouth and a sick stomach. Because they don't heal, they harm. With arrogance, lies, machinations, they sow seeds of doubt and shame. They are the embodiment of what God hates: lying, conniving, violence, pot-stirring, malicious tale-bearers, gossips,
You will know them by their deceptions. Which sadly resembles our narcissistic parents' abuse. Their narcissistic smirk, haughty eyes, deaf ears and scorn, belies their proclaimed good intent. I know, you might fear, as I did, that you won't see these things. But you will. You just have to start listening to your own wisdom and looking for the wolf in granny's nightgown. We must see the big eyes and big teeth that we've ignored.
Once you start really listening to what they say, how they say it, and how it makes you feel, it will get easier to recognize the toxicity. Read my post on toxic things blind guides say. You'll know what I mean. You'll start to see it, not as helpful advice but shaming, belittling and invalidating. You'll begin to hear how they dismiss your feelings, thoughts and even experiences, as if they know you better than you know yourself.
I was once told by a raging narcissist blind guide that he knew me and that I was a vain fraud and a poser (pot meet kettle). He would "call out" my deceptions for my own good (sound familiar?) He would speak the truth about me that everyone else was afraid to say. (Way to echo my narcissistic dad.) He was going to set me straight because he knew the "real" me like no one else. He saw the "TRUTH" about me (how they love that word) that I had somehow blinded others to. Yikes.
That blind guide is also insanely arrogant, abusive, dangerous, sociopathic, manipulative, violent, rageful, passive-aggressive, aggressive, oversensitive and insensitive, uninformed and ignorant. This isn't me saying it. I typically defend him when everyone else is saying it. He has been gaslighting me for years with his BS.
It took me so long to accept it because this kind of behavior was exactly how my father and mother and their new spouses acted toward me. Cunning, calculating, devious and exploitative. They would set me up to love them, make excuse for them and then pull the rug out from under me. All the while proclaiming to have my best interests at heart when their only interests were selfish.
Not all blind guides are as bad as this. See my article on the types of blind guides. The similarity is how their unsolicited advice makes you feel. If it triggers trauma responses, shame, self-loathing, self-doubt and destabilization, they and their advice should be avoided till you can sort out why this is so unsettling. Very likely you'll find that they are trying to undermine you and even sabotage your healing.
Which may sound paranoid but isn't. It's finally being honest and seeing ulterior motives for what they are. All our lives, people with childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse have kicked ourselves to the curb. We've believed and trusted other people over ourselves. To being healing, we need to get priorities straight. We need to affirm and trust ourselves. We need to understand that if something feels off, we must stop and acknowledge that. We need to quit rushing past red flags that are in place to help us. They are the guides we should follow, not the blind guides who would lead us astray.
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