Hello my friends. Today in my childhood trauma recovery journey, I'm walking through narcissistic abuse from another family source. I'm walking with a loved one in her abuse, the rest of the family and myself. I'm feeling the protective mother empath trauma viscerally. On top of my own childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse from which I've gone no contact, this is overwhelming. And I learned something from it. Childhood trauma bonding causes abuse and betrayal blindness that carries over into other abusive situations as well.
Narcissistic abuse is "carbon monoxide mind gassing"
Narcissistic and enmeshed parent abuse is like carbon monoxide gassing of the mind. The narcissistic abuser drips poison into our ears, that causes actual brain damage. They insult, shame, dehumanize, vilify, DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim offender), crybully, mock, humiliate, belittle, batter, antagonize, manipulate, gaslight, launch smear campaigns, backstab and destabilize us. This "mustard gas" blinds us both to their abuse but other situations in which we are being harmed.
Destabilization and sabotage
Make no mistake. That undermining sabotage you're feeling isn't accidental. It's not you overreacting, being too sensitive or imagining it. They will tell you it's you attacking them. Because they take narcissistic injury everywhere. They do this to distract you from the very real injuries they are intentionally inflicting on you. It's not you. It's purpose built abuse designed to destroy us while maintaining their own sham "innocent victimhood." Malignant narcissist dark tetrads get high off from hurting people. They get narcissistic supply that feeds their entitlement, arrogance and remorseless Machiavellian cruelty.
They deprive you of resources and sabotage any efforts at self-care. They like you weak and helpless so they can coercively control you with their sick narcissistic fantasy.
You can't win. They will make sure of that.
Malignant narcissists play by two sets of ever-shifting rules which they do not follow. They are two-faced, double-speaking liars who never practice what they preach. Ever. Just when you get it right, they turn on a dime, moving the hoops they expect you to hop through. It's one big twisted sociopathic game of "Whack-a-Mole." It wasn't till I stopped playing nice and left, that I saw how bad it really was.
Gaslighting destroys everything.
Remember what's fuels gaslighting: gas. Which has NO BOUNDARIES, no beginning nor end. That's a narcissist, an endless void of boundary crashing demands. They see themselves as everything and you as only new territory to invade. Which makes things doubly fraught for empath child trauma survivors who already don't know where others end and they begin. These "space invaders" know just how to push our trauma response buttons of fawning, groveling, humoring, people pleasing and appeasing.
How antagonistic narcissists gain power over us
They demand it and we give it to them. We grant them entitled sinecure status. They didn't earn it nor do they deserve it. They're just really good at making us think they do. We let their gaslighting bullying live duty-free in our heads. We didn't mean to. They weaponized our childhood trauma responses and rode herd over our defenses. We believe and trust them. But we shouldn't because they are dangerously untrustworthy. You need to know that arrogant narcissists aren't entitled to anything, certainly not your loyalty, obedience and respect. You'd be better off trusting a cobra not to bite you.
One simple trick to expose a narcissist
At least to yourself. Be wary of being the agent of exposing a narcissist to others. But just for your own peace of mind, here's a trick I just discovered by accident. When you're in the throes of narcissistic abuse, just stop a moment and hear the lunatic hypocrisy. As an empath, I'm always giving the benefit of the doubt at my own expense. I rationalize irrational behavior. I play fair with people who are playing foul. I excuse, exonerate and show mercy to merciless, haranguing liars. I take responsibility on myself for their abuse. So for once, I heard the insanity for what it is. Next, I contrasted what he said with what he does. I listened to my own common sense speaking. I heard the narcissist raging at me for doing something that was utter fabrication and something he did hourly, himself. (This isn't my husband, btw.) He literally outed himself to me as the agent provocateur and I didn't have to say a word. All I had to do was listen and stop playing by his rules.
Get out of the sandbox and take loved ones with you.
Dark tetrads (malignant narcissists) will never play fair. They will use every dirty trick in the book because winning over others is all the matters to them. They care about getting their way and being "right" and they will kick anyone under the bus to achieve it. They will make the stupidest of decisions because their unbridling arrogance deludes them. They will terrorize people you love. They will hurt their own children. They are immoral, self-righteous cowardly bullies. You can't fight fire with fire, playing as dirty as them because you could never play that dirty. Your innate goodness won't let you. So the only way to survive is to stay away from them. They will only trigger, provoke, antagonize and attack till you get in the mud with them. Don't.
No comments:
Post a Comment