Healing ways to process childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse

 Hello my friends. We've been doing a lot of inner child recovery work to process childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse on this blog. I'm writing in stream of consciousness dealing with issues as I recall them. Today I'm going to give us a format for gently walking through the big fraught spaces of childhood trauma.

Calm the outer to balance inner chaos

Control what you can and that includes places and spaces. Doing childhood trauma recovery work is exhausting so do it in the most comfortable cozy spaces possible. I find warmth healing. I sometimes use a heating pad to warm tired joints. Or if it's a hot day, cool breezes soothe my fevered mind. I do my writing on my outside garden patio with birds dining happily at our bird feeders and wind chimes singing on the breeze. Arrange an environment that meets needs that have gone so long untended. 

🌿 Safe Space Note

If a patio or outdoor area isn't accessible to you, you can recreate this calm environment indoors using a soft lap blanket, a warm cup of herbal tea, and a quiet corner with gentle nature sounds playing in the background. Your comfort is the priority.

Bring a friend, leave the gang

Do your recovery work with a friend, even if it's just your cat. My little guys whom AI designed to a T above, are Moishe and Mordecai. They are always up for a petting when I am struggling. My husband and dear friend are happy to listen when I need them. And I'm not used to that. I'm accustomed to be silenced, excluded, scapegoated. I'm used to being treated like a necessary nuisance by narcissistic parents: necessary when they need narcissistic supply.  Nuisance when I needed anything. So I'm working to exit the gang of flying monkeys and childhood trauma voices in my head. And entering in to love. 

🤗 Lean In to Connection

Lean in to the people who are truly leaning in to you. When you share your vulnerable space with safe and loving people, you create the support system you always deserved. Let go of the need to chase conditional approval and embrace the warmth of those who listen with an open heart.

See the trauma in your responses

Narcissistic and enmeshed parents should have a song written about them, "she put's the trauma in responses." The reason we're always trauma responding is that we "carry" so many people in our trauma brains. It looks like we "hear voices" or see visions, because we do. Our body remembers dad's gaslighting scolding, mom's petulant pity parties, siblings we had to parent, the endless betrayal, the ridiculous demands from everyone. And then there are the flying monkeys I call blind guides who dump shame on out. And then we have our own families who really do need us. And that's why we seem so overwhelmed, disorganized, just panicking most of the time. Because we are carrying too many impossible burdens, most of which aren't ours. So you can't fix this overnight, but just begin, one moment at a time to see that you aren't failing. Too much was put on you. 

Learn to observe signs

So we're veering away from our dysfunctional families of origin. Unfortunately on this road called life, childhood trauma survivors can't read warning signs. We're color-blind and see red as go. We read "stop" signs as proceed. We can't tell enter (safe) from exit (avoid). This is not because we are flawed. Our self-care skills were broken by self-centered, entitled (enmeshed) parents who used us like property. They gaslit us into misreading signs and going ahead when we should have stopped, to serve their own selfish agenda. We need to learn to halt at danger signs like an on-coming train on the tracks. 

Take a basic safety course

Okay great, read signs, you're thinking. But how? You can follow this blog because I'm learning too. I've started to put together some guides and homework. But I recommend you follow these learned professionals on YouTube. Their work compiles a complete course for surviving childhood trauma from narcissistic abuse. Here is a bibliography of my favorites with links to their channels. 

• Dr. Ramani Durvasula: Clinical psychologist and expert on narcissistic patterns, gaslighting, and healing from psychological abuse.

• Jerry Wise: Family systems and self-differentiation coach specializing in breaking free from family-of-origin dysfunction and escaping unhealthy family roles.

• Patrick Teahan: Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW) offering extensive video guides on childhood trauma and recovery.

• Dr. Les Carter: Renowned counselor and founder of the Surviving Narcissism channel, providing tutorials on managing and recovering from highly controlling, toxic relationships.

• Danish Bashir: Educator and trauma survivor offering deep-dive perspectives on dealing with the effects of narcissistic personality disorder.

• Crappy Childhood Fairy: Founded by Anna Runkle, this channel provides practical guidance on recognizing and healing the adult symptoms of early childhood trauma and PTSD.

• Richard Grannon: The Spartan Life Coach, known for helping people identify and recover from narcissistic abuse and complex trauma.

Feed the victim, starve the trauma

What I'm trying politely to say is, cut off the source of your childhood trauma (the abuser) from narcissistic supply. That's what drove the abuse, neglect, endangerment, abandonment, exploitation, toxic shaming, parentification, triangulation, invalidation, undermining, bullying, crybullying, scapegoating and gaslighting: our narcissistic parents were getting something out of it.  All arrogance, entitlement, ruthlessness and manipulation, all the hypocrisy, lies, double standards. mind games, blame-shifting and chaos, it all fed them. I don't know how or what it was they got out of it and I don't care. I care about me and those I love. And now it's time to feed the victims. We've been starved of basic care for such a long time. 

Homework list to practice: 

Here are some little things to build into your life to help rebalance what they threw off.

• Eat when you are hungry, what you are hungry for. You don't have to ask permission. Trust your body to know what it needs. Usually it's something warm and nourishing. 
• Sleep when you are tired as long as you need. I know some of you literally can't, due to family. But many others of us can now and don't because those old voices shamed us then. When they were the ones exhausting us with their insane, crazy demands. 
• Mix it up. Work for awhile, nap, have a snack, go for a walk, do a little more work. 
• Live Desiderata. 

✨ A Gentle Daily Reminder

Go placidly amid the noise. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.