Hi friends. Today I'm sharing weird ways childhood trauma victims show we were (are being) abused by dark tetrad parents. I've seen myself do these odd behaviors all my life but am only now just realizing why and how they are signs of abuse. If you see someone doing these things, not for attention but without even realizing it, it's proof that they were likely abused, neglected, endangered, invalidated, shamed, scapegoated, exploited, enmeshed, violated, hurt, parentified and gaslit about it all.
We have poor posture. Victims of childhood trauma were taught to stay small to avoid attention or punishment. Attention from creepy adults (I'll share more on that in its own point) and unfair Draconian punishment from cruel, manipulative, entitled, arrogant (dark tetrad) parents. We crouch and turn our feet in. We keep our legs tightly closed (I probably don't have to explain that one). We crumple ourselves up so as not to get in anyone's way.
We are twisted and bent. We show signs of early structural problems like arthritis because we had to twist ourselves into pretzels trying to be everything we were expected (and now expect ourselves) to be. We were made to do heavy work when we were far too young and still developing. Our dark tetrad parents made the work harder by denying us basic tools to do it or training on how. Things like mopping the floor on our hands and knees because a cheap stick mop was not provided, lugging a heavy vacuum and doing mountains of back-breaking ironing. Or scaling snowbanks to get diapers off the line. Things no one else including the parents had to do.
We are always cold and uncomfortable. We had to sleep on unheated porches or crammed in tiny closets with whomever was our stepparents' newest baby. We were given an old damaged mattress and a pillow stuck with pins (it's true) while step mommy got a suite to herself with a new king-sized waterbed.
We are tired all the time and fall asleep driving. On top of the cramped, crowded sleeping conditions, we were parentified and made to co-sleep with children. From the time we were 10, we were waking up and tending to babies. We were on call 24-7-365 caring for other peoples' kids. And when we were finally able to sleep, we trauma dream and nightmare all night long. We dream we're taking care of kids and trying to accomplish the endless chores we were set to.
We squint and have lined faces. Basic things like glasses or vision care weren't provided, though mother's deadbeat boyfriend was given a new motorcycle. We spent long hours doing homework sitting on the floor because we had no desk or space to do it.
We don't take care of ourselves. Actually us caring for ourselves by doing simple things like resting when tired, needing a ride somewhere or even eating was deemed selfish by our parents. Bearing in mind the rest of the so-called family did as they pleased and had everything they wanted. It was just us who were subjected to this.
We lacked basic things or had to buy them for ourselves. I mean normal things other kids in our socio-economic situation had. Things our parents provided for themselves and their other children, we had to provide for ourselves, by getting a job at 15. Which meant I couldn't take driver's ed. And when I did, it was so much harder because no one bothered to help me learn.
We looked like idiots because we never had or even knew we should have effing simple things. Also we were gaslit and told that simply things like sunscreen were "too expensive" so we got sunburns. We had to borrow stuff because we didn't have a beach towel or sleeping bag at a campout. We had to walk or cadge rides from creepy people. We lacked a winter coat, boots, shoes and had to take others' castoffs or buy our own, even though no one else in the family did.
We're hangry because we're always hungry. Sometimes we act crabby because we're literally shaking with hunger but we don't feed ourselves. We don't recognize hunger because just like tiredness or illness, we were told we were selfish. We forget to eat. We cut ourselves short so others can have too much. All the family food budget went to my dad's wife's cigarettes and expensive diet food. I lived on scraps.
We don't even realize we're sick or in pain till we're dying. Or near as damn all. Our medical care was neglected. We were told we were just showing off. It was an inconvenience for us to be sick. And no one did our chores while we were ill. They just left them for us. (Funny how chores were so urgent when I was doing them but could be put off indefinitely when someone else had to). It takes a lot of pain to get through these gaslit heads of ours. And then often it's too late.
We accept being stolen from and cheated by family as normal. It's not enough that dark tetrad parents don't provide for us. They also have to steal, ruin or cheat us out of what we do manage to provide for ourselves. They let their kid trash your prom dress. And take your child support to fund their own shiny new families. And kick you out of the house at 16 and keep collecting and misusing your child support.
We cut ourselves short as adults. Because we've always had to provide for ourselves, we learn to be too cheap. My first car should have been junkyarded, but all I could afford. And my mom approved me buying it, offered no help and couldn't care less that it was a death trap. I didn't buy enough food for myself in college, got down 109 pounds and was sick all the time.
We don't know how to care for ourselves or what we need. We confuse meeting our needs with selfishness. We don't feel we deserve essentials. But we are very good at caring for others. Which is very good for our demanding, self-centered parents. With the same cheap measure we use for ourselves, we lavish on others.
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