Empath girl child + narcissistic dark tetrad parents = perfect storm

 Hello my friends. I've shared a great deal about the abuse, neglect, endangerment, abandoning, exploitation, malice, spite, invalidation, enmeshment, triangulation, scapegoating, shaming, manipulation and gaslighting I experience from four narcissistic and dark tetrad parents. You may be wondering how all this could have happened. I know I certainly have. It took me almost 6 decades to see it for what it was. A big piece of the abuse was gaslighting me about being too sensitive, deceitful, too critical, showing off for attention, etc. 

But a lightbulb went on this morning and it showed exactly how they were able to do this. The problem is that I'm a girl and have a good nature. It makes me the ideal victim. Here's the formula: empath child + narcissistic dark tetrad parents = perfect storm. My natural caregiving nature and female gender made me fertile soil for their unbridled arrogance, entitlement, self-absorption and cruelty to flourish. 

You may be asking: what does being a woman have to do with it? And if so, you're either a man or didn't grow up in the late 60s, early 70s. There were clearly defined gender roles. And a girl's job was nurturer, caregiver, everyone's little helper. We played with dolls and cleaned pretend houses while boys made model airplanes, played sports and collected baseball cards. They did cool shit and had a few little nanosecond jobs like taking the trash out while we girls folded the clothes, did dishes, cared for siblings and waited on everyone. They trained to build cars and buildings while we learned to manage everything else. They chose careers, we did what everyone expected. This has relevance. 

So then, layer all the extra burden and responsibility onto an already too empathetic and people pleasing kid and you have the perfect combination for dark tetrad parents and hell for the scapegoat. They had it made with me: someone to do all the things they were too arrogant, entitled and selfish to do, a scapegoat to take on herself the shame of their bad behavior and a vulnerable adolescent who made excuses for them and took it all as her due. Someone who now at 60, struggles not to be and do everything for everyone. Because she was taught to and punished for not doing it. 

My parents' other kids had no chores or expectations. They played while I did what should have been theirs and their parents' chores, too. And I parented them and their  parents. I did all the heavy chores that my parents' new spouses were to lazy to do. And kept up with schoolwork and homework and a job. I didn't have transportation or consistency, only chaos and deprivation. I was groomed to be the family Cinderella scapegoat.  (Thank you, husband for pointing that out, it's a perfect explanation). 

But unlike Cinderella, we children of dark tetrad parents can't break free. Notice how easily she transitioned to princess? Well, that's fairy tales for you. Even with a handsome prince to help us, we're still typecast in that role of scullery maid. It takes a lifetime to learn how to wear the crown. And if you didn't understand all this till you are a senior citizen, you've got decades of wrong learning to unlearn. 

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