Hi friends. I'm working on healing from narcissistic parental abuse from four pathologically histrionic, antisocial and narcissistic (the category B personality disorders) parents. Here are 10 baffling behaviors that histrionic and narcissistic parents display.
1) They take up all the oxygen in the room. Everything is about them. They require a lot of attention, in fact all the attention. They make every event about themselves. If they feel an event is focusing too much on someone else, they will do something to put themselves in the spotlight. And it's often something outrageous, disturbing or hurtful to someone, particularly the one getting the attention.
2) They do weird things for shock value. Attention is good. Shocked, comfortable attention that makes their victim feel self-conscious or insecure, is better. The type of behavior differs depending on the type of narcissism or histrionic pattern (malignant, covert, overt). My narcissistic/histrionic mother threw a pie in my face at her work picnic.
3) They don't see or hear themselves as others do. Their narcissistic/ histrionic delusions are so off that they don't realize that how odd they seem My dad believed that he was a preacher and a missionary despite having zero training or background. He would get mad when whatever church he happened to be in at the time, didn't allow him to preach. My narcissistic mother wore nightgowns in public.
4) Narcissistic behavior changes as they age. People who begin as grandiose narcs tend to become more covert or malignant as they age. My mother was big grandiose when she was young and "hot". (I put that in quotes because that's how she saw herself. I feel uncomfortable with the word). As she got older, she decided that if she couldn't be the hottest anymore, she'd be the most pathetic (covert) Any attention is better than none at all. As I matured, she felt outshone and her behavior toward me became malignant.
5) Narcs are waaaaayy off sexually. Both my parents used to run around buck naked in front of me. My dad took me on dates with his 17-year-old girlfriend when he was 34. My mom wore sexualized clothing, dressed as a hooker for a church Halloween party and a bikini in front of my friends. This was not acceptable back then. She talked to me about sex all the time, starting when I was 7. She spared no gory detail. She and her boyfriends were loud during intimacy. She tells people she sleeps naked and paraded around my home nude, in front of my kids.
6) Malignant narcissistic parents purposely expose their children to icky situations. My mom began having affairs when I was 6. She left me alone in unfamiliar places for days at a time. At least one affair was with a married man. They would make out in front of me. His wife came to our house one day and knocked her down the stairs. She blatantly lived with her boyfriend in our quite conservative community. She left me to care for her foster kids, night and day.
7) Narcissistic parents are hypocrites. Both my parents put me in dangerous situations. They didn't monitor me. I was wandering alone at age 4 or 5. My mom had a foster care home which closed due to abuse. They lived immorally and very contrary to the Bible. Yet both believed themselves to be model Christians. They preached continually to others on how to live.
8) Narcissistic and histrionic parents aren't safe. You cross them at your peril. Even if they just think you are questioning them, watch out. My mom let her (chronically unemployed, abusive) boyfriend sexually harass, mock, hurt, attack and shame me. Later, he kicked me out of the house when I was 16 because I came home an hour late. The two times I confronted my mom on something, she went ballistic. Then she triangulated her husband against me. My dad went nuts and beat me once because he thought I wasn't happy enough about losing my bedroom and being made to sleep in a tiny room with their baby.
9) Narc parents gaslight with every breath. They like attention except when they are being held accountable for bad behavior. Then they pull out every dirty trick to make themselves the victims. They lie, mock, shame, humiliate, distort and throw sand in your eyes. Mine scapegoated me to deflect attention away from their abandonment, exploitation, manipulation, abuse, neglect, parentification, shaming and endangerment. They invent things you supposedly did and then crucify you for them.
10) Narc parents get you to hate yourself. All the shocking acts. All the bizarre talk. All the out-of-the-blue accusations. All the exaggerated punishment. All the of the betrayal, backstabbing and passive-aggressive cruelty. All that sewage rots in your brain till pretty soon you don't feel fit to live. At least I did.
This is only a sample of the baffling behaviors. If you're living with it, know you're not alone. I see you. You're not the problem. What you can do about it? I'm not the one to ask because I did nothing and just suffered with it all these years. Looking back, I'd at least tell a safe adult preferably one who can help. Don't keep it inside. You're doing no one any favors least of all yourself. Make noise but with safe people. Abusive parents aren't those people. Then get out of Dodge as soon as you realistically can. That's the only thing that saved me.
Love, mar
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