Tuesday, March 7, 2023

How I lost 100 pounds by figuring out what's eating me

 Hello my dear friends! I started this blog on how I lost 100 pounds, without gastric bypass, a few years ago. I write about what I'm dealing with at the time because we all deal with many of the same issues in the challenge of obesity or being overweight. Some plus-sized issues for me are anxiety, low self esteem and concomitant depression. Ring a bell? I'm sure it does because anxiety, depression, low self esteem, weight gain and obesity are all part of what Alanon calls a stinkin thinkin pattern that so many of fall into. 

Part of how I lost 100 pounds was to source anxiety, then to determine what I really needed and finally, to go about getting needs met. In my March to Weight Loss challenge, I'm challenging anyone who wants to lose weight, to do a little Alanon type detective work to figure out what's at eating you and then to rethink what you really need in terms of comfort, including but also beyond food. 

Sometimes what's eating me is something so small, or petty, that I'm embarrassed. Getting a lowered rating at work or finding a new crop of wrinkles. Anxiety made worse by long Covid 19 brain fog. Other times, the worry is bigger: worrying over a loved one, coming to grips with my own aging, constant PTSD ish nightmares, grief, exhaustion, long Covid 19 symptoms. And really even defining one stressor as "petty" and another "important" is part of the stinkin thinkin. It says that I have to justify what concerns me, that I'm petty for certain worries. 

The gastric bypass reality show "My 600-lb Life" demonstrates not only the threat to life of morbid obesity but also, morbid stinkin thinkin. It's more than just the obvious self-pity, entitlement and weaponized incompetence we see on "My 600-lb Life." If you listen past the moaning and griping, you hear fear (anxiety). And morbid depression. And toxic shame. I would hazard a guess that shame is the single biggest issue that leads to starring roles on "My 600-lb Life." Shame accounts for as many gastric bypass surgeries as over-eating. 

So that gets me back to my own triggers. Toxic shame. Stinkin thinkin says worrying over a low rating is petty. But I'm going to rethink that and say it's actually huge if toxic shame, low self esteem and anxiety are problems. In my head, this spells FAILURE and that's haunted me since childhood. But happily, sourcing that toxic shame can help me find peace of mind. My kind adult self can comfort  little me and remind her that even if she make mistakes, even if others say she's a bad girl, even if adults guilt her into thinking she has to fix their problems, doesn't make any of it true. As our parish priest, Fr. Chuck is so good to remind us, I'm a beloved child of my Heavenly Father. And so are you. Full stop. 

In the next installment of "how I lost 100 pounds" we'll take that new enlightenment and consider what, then, we need instead of food, for comfort. Be well, my precious friends. 

#Marchtoweightloss #longcovid


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