How I lost 100 pounds eating foods that feel decadent (but aren't)

Hello my friends. This blog began life as a place to share weight loss tips on how I lost 100 pounds. Then it morphed into my journey to heal CPTSD from narcissist parent abuse. Now I'm coming full circle to show how the two go hand in hand. Part of how I lost 100 pounds was by going not contact with narcissist parents. I found all kinds of healing in severing ties with their abuse, neglect, abandonment, destabilization, scapegoating, endangerment, invalidation and gaslighting about it all. Including in managing obesity, which I developed partly from the self-denial and austerity they enforce on me. Which they did not practice themselves. 

So about how I lost 100 pounds by eating foods the feel decadent but aren't? Maybe that should read how I lost 100 pounds by eating foods they SAID were too good for me. Too expensive, too posh, whatever. My life has been one of endless self-denial which they gaslit me to believe was some God-mandated I and only I was supposed to do. And yes He does call for us to take up our cross but He commands that of everyone not as something for narcissist parents to foist on their child.

But I took it to heart. I learned that "we" weren't poor. I was. So I gave from my lack and they took to excess. I've spent my life doing without so others can take too much. I didn't stint my children, but for myself I bought only the cheapest or nothing at all. While my extended family, who lived on welfare, boasted that only the best was good enough for the, I (a taxpayer who funded their lifestyle) had only the worst or none at all. My life has been outfitted in secondhand castoffs. While they had whatever they wanted. 

Now you might think that this self-deprivation would lead to weight loss not obesity. And for a time it did. When I was in college (paying my way for everything with no help from family), my grocery budget for a month was $10. I ate only ramen and a few pot pies. And I dropped down to 110 pounds and was very thin. I was ill and tired all the time. My mother and dad had exploited me and stolen my college fund. I had to keep up job while taking 21 credits per semester, just to have something to live on. 

But cue to 2011, four living children and six pregnancies later, I was morbidly obese. And not from overeating. From depriving myself of necessities and thinking of them as luxuries I couldn't afford. This sad self-destructive behavior was taught to me by narcissist parents who used as possession. I abused myself because they abused me. They said self-care was selfish and self-respect was disrespectful to them. But my body had my back as it were. She knew what I needed and that I deserved care. So she hoarded what food I put in my body. Because she knew I might not eat enough. 

Weird I know, but not really if you understand how it works. So to heal that obesity, one step I took was to eat foods that I'd previously forbidden myself as too expensive. How I lost 100 pounds was in part due to eating foods that feel decadent. Foods that make me feel good, like I'm taking care of and even (gasp!) spoiling myself. Foods that I'd never dreamed of enjoying because they cost "too much." 

And the cool thing is that many of these seemingly indulgent foods are really very good for me. My body knows! So here are my favorite foods that feel decadent but aren't. The picture shows a salad I made from some of them. 

--capers, olives and other pickled vegetables. Fermented foods are getting a lot of attention in weight loss communities for their antioxidant, probiotic, fat-burning properties. And while not all of these are fermented they do have similar properties. The thing to watch out for is salt or sugar content. And eat them in  moderation as you would any other treat. 

--pumpkin seeds. I add these to salads instead of croutons for a protein, good fat boost. 

--sunflower butter. In place of peanut butter, sunflower butter provides a protein kick while burning fat with good healthy fats. Plus it fills you up and curbs cravings. Once Again brand without sugar is my favorite for weight loss. But you know what? If you love peanut butter, go for it. It's a great meal replacement fill up. Just practice portion control 

--dried cranberries. I get the reduced sugar kind and handful adds a nice zest to salads to offset the saltier foods. 

--sprouts (broccoli, clover, alfalfa, radish, lentil, mung and wheatgrass) For the longest time, didn't buy because they were so costly. But now I  make my own for cents on the dollar. I also love brussels sprouts roasted with garlic. 

--ghee OMgarsh this stuff is so addictive! But as a high burn fat, it's really good for you, in moderation as with everything else. 

--smoked salmon. I cannot get enough of it. One tin gives like 26 grams protein for only 100ish calories. 

--arugula (aka rocket salad) and other spring mix greens. I only used to buy iceberg lettuce but now I treat myself to the fancier, healthier greens. 

So think about it. Depressed, deprived, oppressed and overweight or liberated, healed and enjoying life? I know which I'd rather be!