Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Men who fat-shame women should look in the mirror

Okay fair warning. This post is going to make some people uncomfortable, possibly angry.  Today we're looking at men who fat-shame women. Guys who humiliate their wives because after years of marriage, they look their age or have put on weight. Guys who are looking for slender curvy super models half their age. I'm going to call this out for the hypocritical, shameful, marriage-vow-busting and downright creepy pedo behavior it is. 

I begin with a disclaimer. To the nice guys out there and I know you are the majority, I'm sorry for what may sound like gender stereotyping. I DO NOT hold you accountable for the behavior of others. But I have to address this appalling, increasingly common behavior. If it doesn't apply, I thank you. Though I shouldn't have to because respect and decency should just be expected. 

If you think I'm exaggerating, here are some examples witnessed by myself and my husband. Obese men joking about "fat" women. Guys refusing to date a woman because she is "too big." Married men complaining about how their wives have "let themselves go." Old dudes blatantly flirting with, sexually harassing and having affairs with girls young enough to be their daughters. And then there is the bizarre hypocrisy.

Just last week, my husband told me that his co-worker expressed disgust because some women were enjoying their meal. He's also made rude comments about fat women. My husband told him off for being a hypocritical jackass. Co-worker is a good 80 to 100 pounds overweight himself. He doesn't take care of himself. And he's not the only guy who feels no qualms about mocking women for the very things he is. Such arrogance blinds people to their own faults. 

So why am I calling out men particularly? I'm 56 and in all my life, I've heard a lot of men body shame women, but rarely ever have I heard women shame men in private, let alone in public. She is more apt to defend and support her man, warts and all. If she does nag, it's more often because he isn't taking care of his health than because she wants him to look a certain way. For the most part, women accept aging: hair loss, weight gain, graying etc. They don't expect that he'll look like 20 forever. Because women more so than men, have been taught to love their partners as they are. 

Expectations for women are VERY different. It's more acceptable for men to fat-shame women, be overweight and "shop around" when their wives begin to age.  But it's every bit as dangerous. Instead of criticizing, they should look in the mirror. If they don't like what they see, change it. But don't change in the hopes that the partner will also change. Don't lose weight because you expect your partner to do likewise. That's just more shaming in another guise. Most of all, we should love, respect, support and be kind to others.  

I'm blessed to have a loving, supportive husband who never criticized when I gained weight. His attitude is part of how I lost 100 pounds. The photos above are from 2020 and 2008. More on that later! 

Love mar

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