I regained some weight lost: The good, bad and great news about starting over

GAH!! I knew it was bound to happen. After losing 100 pounds, I've regained some weight lost and bumped up a size. I haven't gained that much. The top picture is recent and the bottom was prior to any weight loss. But I'm still pretty disappointed. 

I promised you "reals" and "feels" on this blog--honesty, real time updates and genuine feelings, not schmaltzy-fake happy ever afters. I don't know about you but I'd rather have sincere negativity once in awhile than fakey positivity and rainbow sprinkle pony poop all the time. That last term was coined by a dear writer friend who found life unbearable and said her goodbyes a few years ago. I miss ya, girlfriend 😭.  See, I promised ya truth. 

And truth is, right now, I could kick myself. If  I wasn't in so much pain, LOL. I had shoulder surgery a month ago and I knew I was probs going to gain some weight. I have to eat a bunch of protein to heal the multiple injuries. But I'm sitting on mah butt a lot cuz too much movement makes it hurt like an Andreych Sonovabitch. 

I knew I was gaining back some weight prior to this. I don't know how much because they always weigh me with all my clothes and boots on. Not that this accounts for all the weight gain. But it is pretty inaccurate. The biggest reason is that I frankly don't want to know. I know I've written a lot about being honest about weight. Part of the reason I put on weight is because I refused accept how big I was getting.

However, after losing, I hit a plateau and then I bounced up a little as you often do after big weight loss. And I began doing a very physically exerting job. So I did build muscle which as we know weighs more than fat. Again, though, probably only enough only to account for 5 lbs. Also, I lend more credence to clothing fit and how I look in the mirror than weight. So as I'm now more self-aware, getting on the scale all the time was just discouraging. 

I now have to accept that I'm bigger in the stomach and thighs. Thighs are pretty firm, tummy not at all. And I admit that I have not been following any kind of calorie counting. Having to eat more protein doesn't mean candy, chips and lasagna. I can't have it both ways--ignoring the scale and the diet. Otherwise it won't just be 20 or 30 pounds but 100 I'll have to re-lose. So that's the bad news. 

The good news is that I caught it in time to do something about it. The great news is that I know what I need to do and I'm getting busy doing it. I remember how I lost 100 pounds and what worked last time, will work again. I'm back to 1,200 calories a day. I've dug out my diet recipes and restarted my light version food swaps. I got back on the fat burner MCT (medium chain triglycerides or coconut oil) apple cider vinegar, green tea, raspberry ketones and cinnamon (sugar blocker). I've purged the junk snacks, sweets and wine. It will be a little harder because I'm so sedentary. But I got this. I'd like to lose 20 pounds by June 1. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Love to you all 💓💓

P.S. The tricky part will be to avoid falling into the self-loathing that I so easily stumble over. I'll keep you posted on how that goes too. 🙏

Why I brag up weight loss and why you should too

You may have wondered why I always use photos of myself on this weight loss blog. It may seem that I'm showing off and bragging. Well, I am. I'm very proud of it and I can't lie. But there are more reasons and they go far beyond boasting. I hope before and after photos are helpful to others and I think that if you've lost weight, you should show it off too. Here's why. 

I come from a generation that frowned on bragging. I was taught humility to the point of self-effacing. Being proud of achievements was arrogance and this was unchristian and sinful. You know, the whole "pride goeth before a fall" thing. This is no one's fault. They were just trying to prevent us from developing narcissistic, hurtful habits.

But pride and being proud of yourself are two very different things. Pride is a general attitude that I am better than others and above the rules. The refusal to wear a mask in public during this Covid 19 pandemic is an example. Or Nietzsche's ubermensch concept: that some are superior and not accountable. It's a selfish and exclusive whereas being proud of your accomplishments is inclusive. 

When I share about how I lost 100 pounds and show pictures before and after, it's as much for others as myself.  Certainly, the kind compliments feel good and I greatly appreciate them. But if I'm just sharing to make myself feel good, it would end there. And I don't want it to. I want to shout the good news that everyone who needs/wants to lose weight can and I'm proof. 

If you have lost weight, even just a few pounds, share it. Show off the before and after photos. Weight loss, of all the self-help tasks, is the most daunting. Beating a drug addiction may be more difficult but taming food addiction is more complicated. We have to eat to survive. So multiple times a day we must consume the "drug" that enslaves us. 

So rejoice in every move forward. That's the difference between boasting and sharing. Prideful boasting says "see what I have that you can't have." Sharing says "see what I  have and what you can have too." It's inviting others to take strength for their own journey by celebrating with you. 

Please, share your success stories with me! I would love to celebrate with you! --mar 👊💓

10 Best Sweeteners and Sugar Alternatives for Weight Loss

Earlier I posted good news for all the sweet teeth out there...you can AND SHOULD eat sugar for weight loss! I did and lost 100 pounds! Truly! See below

No more ironing our hands when we have sugar cravings! Cue the P!nk and let's get this partay started!

Before we commence to feasting, I know what you're probably thinking. Oh lovely here comes another one like Teresa Giudice with her "eat all the pasta you want and lose weight" schmaltz. I know it sounds that far-fetched and unrealistic. But to be fair to the RHONJ-er, Giudice didn't say ALL the pasta you want and she did show how to incorporate it in a healthier lifestyle. And that's what I'm gonna do: show you how to eat sugar in healthier fat-burning ways. 

Yerp, ya heard that right too...fat-burning...that glorious Holy Grail of dieters. Conjures up images of pounds miraculously falling away. But it's not just a happy thought. Some foods really do melt fat, or to be precise, shrink fat cells and turn yucky white fat into brown adipose tissue. Some of these will even reduce blood sugar. So here are the ingredients to do that, 10 sweeteners and sugar alternatives for fat burn and weight loss. 

1) Fruit. Number one best sugar source for weight loss. Provides a great source of natural sweetener. 

2) Berries Your best friends in the fruit food group are blueberries, elderberry, blackberries, raspberries, cranberries, strawberries and acai. I list these separately because they have added benefits of fat-blasting fiber from seeds plus antioxidants. Elderberry has been shown to help protect against even such virulent infections as Covid-19 or coronavirus. 

3) Greenish bananas are also listed separately because bananas are the best source of resistant starch, an added weight loss support. Resistant starch helps you feel full so you're not plagued with hunger pangs. 

4) Apples are an extra good refined sugar alternative because they substitute well in baking and have a lot of natural fiber. Make up a batch of applesauce and you'll have a sweet snack, egg and sugar substitute for baked goods and natural fat cleanse. 

5) Pure maple syrup is low on the glycemic scale and so helps prevent blood sugar spikes and inflammation. 

6) Blue agave nectar is similar to maple syrup and works well in baking, cooking and for other sugar alternative needs. 

7) Monkfruit also is low glycemic and is a good sweetener for Type 2 diabetics and those with prediabetes (AKA insulin resistance or metabolic syndrome). 

8) 70% or higher cacao dark chocolate burns fat and provides antioxidants. 

9) Dates are high in fiber and low impact sugar. They flush away toxins, moderate blood glucose and prevent inflammation. 

10) Just a little refined sugar. So obvs not the best sugar source but a little bit can help curb cravings. Indulging in a tiny bit of the verboten helps prevent deprivation syndrome. More on that later. 

Eating limited amounts of these sugar sources as part of my 1,200 calorie diet are part of how I lost 100 pounds. If you're trying to shed pounds I encourage you to try it too! Best wishes, love mar. 👊💓

How to help someone lose weight

What can you do to make someone else lose weight? The short answer is nothing. The better answer is...still nothing. But while the answer is simple, the question is complicated and if you're asking it, this begs other questions you need to answer about the person you want to help and yourself, too. If you want to get someone else to change something, you need to start by asking yourself why. Why do you care? What is your motivation? Consider scenarios A and B for weight loss.

A--The person you want to change is clinically obese. He has other related health problems. (If he's 50# or more overweight, he does, count on it. Diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol problems, mobility, for a start). You have care for her, cook for her, clean up after, maybe even wash, dress and help with bathroom needs. She is your child, partner or parent. 

B--He is a little overweight or not at all. You are just bothered by it. He doesn't ask anything of you and is independent. You don't really care or want to help. You just want to fix them or better yet, shame them into "fixing" themselves. According to your standards, naturally. Your role is advisory. You see yourself as the "friend" who is brutally honest. You are yourself a little or a lot overweight. 

If any part of scenario B applies, you need help. You should fix yourself before even thinking of "helping" him. You should learn the definition of help. If you do decide to lose weight yourself, do it for you, not to set an example or "encourage" her to change. Stop kidding yourself--that is just more guilting and manipulation. 

Now, if you relate to scenario A, I still say do nothing. No preaching, nagging, harassing, hiding food, tricking. Shaming is cruel. No one responds well to it. It is counterintuitive. Shame is a root cause for obesity. And as with any other addiction (yes you can be addicted to food), the addict must see the need to quit and do the work herself. 

But also, do nothing to enable.  No buying the junk food, taking him out to eat or cooking up huge portions. No more serving, waiting on or other caregiving. No more falling for the litany of supposed  suffering and disability. A person who is obese may have other health issues not weight related. But 90% of those health issues are directly attributable to obesity. Your loved one may expect or demand assistance. It is up to you to define need verses want. No more pity. 

You may say, "but I have to care for her. She needs me." Does she though? Are you doing things she can and should do for herself? Are you enabling unhealthy behavior? You can't fix someone else's problems, but you can choose not to break them further by over-care. 

The show "My 600-lb Life" is a look at exaggerated obesity. But obesity affects more people than ever. Childhood obesity is affecting kids at younger ages than ever. This is not just pre-puberty weight gain of normal childhood. This is obesity. More people are getting gastric bypass surgery at younger ages. 

There are things we can learn from My 600-lb Life and one big thing is the danger of enabling. Each episode features at least one person who is the "feeder." Someone who prepares the extra large portions of the wrong foods, who does the work so the patient doesn't have to do anything. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone who needs to get healthy is nothing. 

I share these thoughts from my own weight loss journey. In my next post, I'll discuss positive things you can do to support someone who is trying to lose weight.

If you're trying to get healthier, rock on! I'm so proud of you! Love, mar 👊👏💓

Men who fat-shame women should look in the mirror

Okay fair warning. This post is going to make some people uncomfortable, possibly angry.  Today we're looking at men who fat-shame women. Guys who humiliate their wives because after years of marriage, they look their age or have put on weight. Guys who are looking for slender curvy super models half their age. I'm going to call this out for the hypocritical, shameful, marriage-vow-busting and downright creepy pedo behavior it is. 

I begin with a disclaimer. To the nice guys out there and I know you are the majority, I'm sorry for what may sound like gender stereotyping. I DO NOT hold you accountable for the behavior of others. But I have to address this appalling, increasingly common behavior. If it doesn't apply, I thank you. Though I shouldn't have to because respect and decency should just be expected. 

If you think I'm exaggerating, here are some examples witnessed by myself and my husband. Obese men joking about "fat" women. Guys refusing to date a woman because she is "too big." Married men complaining about how their wives have "let themselves go." Old dudes blatantly flirting with, sexually harassing and having affairs with girls young enough to be their daughters. And then there is the bizarre hypocrisy.

Just last week, my husband told me that his co-worker expressed disgust because some women were enjoying their meal. He's also made rude comments about fat women. My husband told him off for being a hypocritical jackass. Co-worker is a good 80 to 100 pounds overweight himself. He doesn't take care of himself. And he's not the only guy who feels no qualms about mocking women for the very things he is. Such arrogance blinds people to their own faults. 

So why am I calling out men particularly? I'm 56 and in all my life, I've heard a lot of men body shame women, but rarely ever have I heard women shame men in private, let alone in public. She is more apt to defend and support her man, warts and all. If she does nag, it's more often because he isn't taking care of his health than because she wants him to look a certain way. For the most part, women accept aging: hair loss, weight gain, graying etc. They don't expect that he'll look like 20 forever. Because women more so than men, have been taught to love their partners as they are. 

Expectations for women are VERY different. It's more acceptable for men to fat-shame women, be overweight and "shop around" when their wives begin to age.  But it's every bit as dangerous. Instead of criticizing, they should look in the mirror. If they don't like what they see, change it. But don't change in the hopes that the partner will also change. Don't lose weight because you expect your partner to do likewise. That's just more shaming in another guise. Most of all, we should love, respect, support and be kind to others.  

I'm blessed to have a loving, supportive husband who never criticized when I gained weight. His attitude is part of how I lost 100 pounds. The photos above are from 2020 and 2008. More on that later! 

Love mar

Why women in relationships may put on weight

(left photo, 2019, right 2013)

There's a notion, which may or may not be a myth, that women in happy relationships gain weight, while men don't. The idea is that a gal who has "caught her man" doesn't need to try so hard and gets lazy. Besides being ignorant and gender profiling, these suggestions are hurtfully wrong. 

1) People gain weight for a list of reasons, and laziness is not at the top: medications (esp. antidepressants), depression, health issues, age, physical disabilities, grief, trauma, abuse, emotional issues, sedentary jobs. Women have an extra set of issues beyond their control that cause weight issues: menstruation, PCOS, endometriosis, childbearing, miscarriage, birth control,  hormone imbalance, menopause,

2) Social mores have taught women some really sick things about relationships. How we need a man to complete us. How we should amend ourselves, our habits, our beliefs and very lives so that we will be worthy of that man. Basically, we've learned we're not good enough alone and that as we are, we're not good enough to snag that man who will make us complete. So we constantly seek to look better, smaller, prettier. You would think that I was writing this in 1965, from the content. Sadly in 2021, these dangerous ideas still persist. 

3) So is it any wonder with that thinking, women who have achieved that man-catching goal, look forward to relaxing a little? Is it so strange that they expect that their man who promised to love them for better or worse, could handle them going without makeup, wearing flats and baggy pants instead of heels and skirts, enjoying eating and show it, without shaming and even (gasp!) gaining some weight=\ Again, you think this was just a thing of the 60s? Hell no. Would that it were. More on that in the next post. 

4) Worst of all are the men who, despite being overweight themselves, fat-shame women. It's not uncommon to hear obese guys complain that their wives have "really let themselves go." This seems to be more of a generational thing among men of 40 to 70 or so. And it's disgusting, not only that they are so hypocritical but that they could be so unloving. It's also counter-productive. Humiliation and insults aren't very good motivators to do anything, let alone lose weight. Love, support, care, honesty, kindness work much better. 

I've been married for 32 years and I put on a lot of weight. My husband never once complained about my size. He says he never even noticed. His unfailing love was part of what gave me the courage to lose weight. If you've gained weight, and most of us do with age, you can change that if you want to. But do it for yourself, not to conform to someone else's selfish, stupid expectations. 

Love you all!! --mar

Fish for Lent? Maybe it's not the fast it's fried up to be

For Catholics, the seven weeks preceding Easter are called Lent. During this time we abstain from indulgent foods such as sugar and meat. In times past, Catholics also gave up dairy products, eggs, fats and oils. The Lenten diet consisted of fish, vegetables, fruit and fat-free grains. This simple fare is perfect for someone trying to lose weight. The problem now is that fish is not the economical food it once was. Also we have convoluted fasts into something resembling feasts! 

In the days when fish was plentiful, cheap or even free if you caught it yourself, it was perfect for Lent. But in 2021, local fish is all but non-existent. Mega fisheries have taken over and "strip-fished" oceans and lakes. Toxic chemicals have poisoned many fish and invasive species have killed off the rest. Now fish is three to four times the price of meat. Which makes an oxymoron of the Lenten injunction to live simply. Fish has become the luxury and chicken and pork, the economical options.

There are other dilemmas with the modern Lenten diet, such as the ubiquitous Friday night all you can eat fish fry. This kind of eating not only sabotages weight loss, it make a mockery of fasting. Even one plate of deep fried breaded fish, French fries and coleslaw, washed down with soda is about 1,500 calories. And those aren't good calories. They're salt, fat and sugar with little fiber or protein. And with the AYCE option, most people have two or three plates. This is anathema to the gospel injunction to avoid gluttony. 

Then there are the ways in which seafood is now cooked. Breaded, deep fried, buttery, cheesy and sugary sauces, alfredo, coconut shrimp, carb heavy pasta dishes. Fasting is more like a fast track diabetes and obesity. My solution is to avoid fish fry or at the very least opt for baked potato, unbreaded fish and salad. More on healthier fast and protein options in upcoming posts. 

Love ya! --mar

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