Hi friends. Today in my quest to heal CPTSD from malignant narcissist parent abuse, I'm looking at lowdown dirty tricks that narcissist parents play on their scapegoat child. Very often these tricks are insidious, passive-aggressive and sneaky that the child (raising my hand here) doesn't even realize she has been pranked until decades later.
Hide and never find. Also called let's see how much we can steal from our child without her knowledge. Malignant narcissist parents are incredibly underhanded, secretive and cunning. They also think that they own their children and therefor their children's possessions. Even things other people give the child. It just occurred to a few months ago to wonder where all my toys and possessions went. There's literally nothing left of my childhood to prove I even existed. I'm not talking things that disappeared in adulthood. My things disappeared from my mom's house when I left to go to my dad's house or vice versa. Money just mysteriously evaporated out of my bank. My entire Canadian money collection vanished. My mother got mad at me for wondering and blamed my friend, suggesting she took it. If I asked about missing things, I was snapped at to stop being so greedy and possessive. (?!) And then they, who always skint suddenly had money for new things for boyfriends.
Narcissist parents invent a false version of the child that gaslight people and the child. To cover their light-fingeredness, they told people and me, that I lost a lot things. They groomed me to expect to be stolen from, by making me think the problem was me. That I was forgetful and didn't take care of my belongings. It also painted me as unappreciative. So I began to think of myself as careless. I got so used to my stuff coming up missing that I stopped searching. As I look back, that was completely untrue. I've always been a neat, tidy and conscientious person and others will tell you that.
Malignant narcissist parents weaponize carelessness and recklessness to frighten and confuse the child. They had me believing I wasn't careful but it was them. Many of my things "accidentally" got broken, too. Because they let their spoiled golden children mess around with my things. If I said anyone I was scolded for being selfish. My mother let her kids get into my makeup and they ruined the prom dress I bought with my own money. And she and her husband are ungrateful slobs. And if you think about it, a messy house is the perfect hiding place for things you steal from others. I bought her several mobile phones which she promptly lost.
Narcissist parents lie about their finances to scam their kids into giving them things. Neither of my parents ever had any money when I needed things. I've been buying my own food since I was 16,. But there was always plenty for themselves and their new families. This continued all through their lives. They always show up with hands outstretched, begging and demanding. When I finally got my first new car at 55, mom sniffed, "must be nice. Did you get a credit for a new car for your sister?" When my mom's second husband divorced her, she claimed he took all their money and left her with nothing. She hinted that I should feel sorry for her and help her out. While she is still living with him and looking plenty well-fed. I'm guessing they conspired to spin me that yarn because they know I'm generous. The gravy train named Marilisa derailed when I went no contact and I'm sure a lot of nasty things are being said about what a terrible daughter I am not to care for her parents when they are old (he's not my parent and she's never been one to me, so, no.)
Malignant narcissist parents are completely negligent about their scapegoat kid's real medical issues and complete frauds about their own ailments. They fake illness to get sympathy and to get our of consequences for things. My mother is a raging case of factitious disorders. She malingers and then threatens lawsuits of her symptoms are questioned. Yet she let my vision get so bad that I was almost blind before getting glasses. I spent a year of childhood on penicillin, missed 8 weeks of school and had back to back strep throat infections because she didn't want to bother getting my tonsils out. My grandparents had to threaten her. Despite having congenital hip dysplasia, scoliosis and spina bifida as a child my dad and his wife made me do all kinds of back-breaking chores, like mopping on hands and knees, loads of ironing and vacuuming. They made me co-sleep with their babies in very uncomfortable beds. I now have back issues similar to children in undeveloped impoverished nations. I was told I had to do these things because my dad's wife had a bad back. What she was, was morbidly obese. There was no money for me to have a decent bed but my stepmother had a water bed. They had an expensive AKC registered dog who went to the vet more than I went to the doctor.
These are a few things. There are lots more lowdown, dirty tricks malignant narcissist play on their scapegoat children.
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