Childhood trauma from enmeshed narcissitic parent abuse puts a target on your back for CSA

 

Hello my friends. Today in my journey to heal childhood trauma from narcissistic parent abuse, I'll show how childhood trauma responses put a target on the child's back for further abuse, particularly CSA. And from the opener, you can probably see that this will be a fraught and probably triggering post. So proceed with caution. 

Enmeshed parents violate boundaries 

Enmeshed parents are like an invasive parasitic plant that winds itself around the child and feeds off her.

Enmeshed narcissistic parents teach her that setting boundaries is disobedient and wicked. They indoctrinate her that they have every right to do anything they want with and to her because they own her and she is endlessly obligated to them. They manipulate situations to make her feel ashamed for needing privacy. They arrogantly demand she "confess" to them and if she doesn't, they say she's being secretive. They shame her for showing any discomfort with their boundary crashing and coercive control. They portray her as the problem. But only in private because they know if they told any normal parent, that parent would see their abusive behavior. They're very cagey and sneaky in their attacks. So the child grows up never knowing that the parents end and she begins. That she has volition and should have autonomy. That they are hurtful not helpful. 

Enmeshed parents usurp and adultify a child

They pirate and steal identity and sense of self and embed themselves in the child. . They steal childhood and innocence. They pollute her mind with fear, gaslighting, toxic and nasty behavior. They "normalize" immoral and unethical behavior by blatantly engaging in it, in front of the child. They don't protect her from their debauchery and so make her suffer the consequences for their actions, in shame, humiliation, fear for them, worry over them and stress from the cognitive dissonance of having to live in this bizarre parallel reality. 

"The child carries the mental load so the entitled selfish parent can act irresponsible with no repercussions."

Enmeshed, Narcissistic parents punish self-care

Narcissistic enmeshed parents see their children, particularly the scapegoat or "broken vending machine child" as property. They use the child as an extension of self, a pawn or tool. They make her do their dirty work and take consequences of their bad actions on herself. They neglect and exploit her and punish the child for protecting herself. My parents gaslit and manipulated me by shaming me that "you're just being defensive" if I shielded my face from slaps or explained why I did something they accused me of doing. Like this was a bad thing. What I didn't understand till later was that whatever I supposedly had done was usually not that bad or bad at all. It was just me being a kid. But I was made to feel like it was horrendous disobedience.  And being very antagonistic and invalidating, they wanted to make me feel and look bad. So they told a skewed version and DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim offender). 

Narcissistic parents twist self-care into selfishness and shame a child for healthy self-protection.

Narcissistic parents neglect the child which enables perpetrators

Not only do narcissistic parents teach us no self-care skills, they punish us for having any. They shame needs as showing off, attention-seeking, being too sensitive or over-dramatic. They groom us to care only about them and their selfish desires. They enslave us. They use gaslighting to create an atmosphere of FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) to them.  Our lack of ability to defend or meet our own needs, plus our sense of responsibility for them, makes us prime targets for abuse from others in our life. 

Enmeshed parents are not really parents, they are predators. 

Everything with narcissistic and enmeshed parents is bass-ackwards. They set hypocritical self-serving double standards. Wrong is right for them to do to us and right is wrong for us to do for ourselves. They aren't really parents at all, they are predatory takers who use us for what they can get from us. The people who are supposed to protect us, endanger and destabilize us. They suck our humanity. Being raised this way, aka "groomed to serve" we don't know that this is a horrible violation of our basic rights as humans. We don't understand that this is abusive of their power differential. For us it's just a Tuesday. 

Enmeshed parents feed us the wolves

With all the confused reality we live in, we have as much ability to navigate life as newborn babies. We were not only not taught to ignore the red flags dangerous people fly, but that not giving in to them is wrong. They literally pimp us out to abusers. And since all we've learned is compliance we give them what they want and let them do filthy, debilitating things to us. I've fallen into so many incredibly dangerous situations just because I had a target on my back. Predators know who has been made vulnerable by parents and who is protected. They can smell us a mile away. 

"I have been forced to see, do and experience such awful things that I wouldn't tell my beloved grandparents to protect them. But I couldn't protect me. The only way to survive it was to allow it."

The worst predators hide in plain sight

The places I've felt and been the least safe, have been in my parents' homes and in religious groups. Calling it Christian, somehow seems to imbue with immunity. Adults who should be protecting children often turn blind eyes in the name of  religion. Some even perpetuate the grooming and gaslighting our parents started. And calling themselves parents somehow blinds people to abuse taking place under their very noses, in neighborhoods, behind closed doors and in larger families. My parents subjected me to so many horribly hurtful people over the years. Literally, as in gave them power over me. The shock of that betrayal is brain-damaging. But childhood trauma responses and trauma bonding to what was supposed to be family, caused betrayal blindness. 

Homework for healing

That's why I write this blog to help me and you if you need it, to find childhood trauma recovery. By naming and claiming what happened as real and really bad, I'm giving myself permission to de-FOG and reverse my parents DARVO, putting them in the correct role.