Hello my friends. Is my title a bit rage-bait-y? I hope so. It also happens to be based on my actual experiences with some Christians homeschool groups we were part of. I was told by several mommies that my daughter's ballet dancing was "of the devil" and "immodest" because she "showed off her body" and "danced for her own glory." While their daughters bouncing around the basketball court was "modest" and "Christian" because they did it for God and their tight T-shirts said so. I am not making this up.
And if it's rage bait, it's because I want you to hear and be angered by this hypocritical nonsense as I heard and wasn't but should have been, angered by it. Imagine these things said with all the condescending, disdainful, supercilious, self-righteous, presumed moral authority dripping off. If you've known folks like this, it won't be difficult.
It didn't happen once but several times in different "Christian" groups, where the idea of dance, particularly ballet, was targeted as sinful (and my daughter by default because she was the one only one in the group taking ballet). While these same mommies lauded their daughters for playing basketball or soccer or whatever sport they happened to participate in.
What started the conversation, was a previous experience in another homeschool group. I was co-planning a talent show. Note: traumatized kids like me are notorious for doing the lion's share of work in most situations. We work too hard and are too reliable. And that relates to how this played out for me. Despite working my butt off to make sure their kids were able to showcase their talents, I asked (asked, mind you) if my daughter could perform a ballet piece as hers. I believe my question was something like "would anyone be offended?" I never questioned what anyone else's kid did and no one else had to ask permission. Well, as you might imagine if you know people like this, the answer was no. She can't and yes because "people" will be offended. Said ever-so-gently-sweetly-patronizingly, fucking smarmily.
I didn't see that at the time though. All I felt was confusedly, ashamed, ignorant and immoral for letting my daughter do something so evil as ballet. It triggered all the shit I'd grown up hearing about how anything I was interested in or good at was either "of the devil" or me showing off, pride and vanity. So theater, singing, being an honor student, teaching, a desire to travel, it was all just selfish. It never occurred to me that everyone else proudly showed off their achievements. My dad and mom both played violin and organ in churches (even though their moral lives left a lot to be desired). No one questioned them on the arrogance they very definitely showed.
And in these homeschool groups, the girls all played basketball, soccer and other sports. They were musicians and singers. They were praised for it. We were encouraged to go and cheer them on. When I enquired why this was okay but my daughter dancing wasn't I was told (and I quote) "they do it for God whereas dancers dance for themselves." Huh. So you say. But the last time I checked, people didn't play to lose. They played to win! And she had a comeback for that too. They were "winning for God." Because God takes sides in a stupid game?
Oh and one of the moms did this condescending little thing were she said, privately to me that she actually likes ballet. So generous of her. She just didn't think it was "appropriate" for an audience?? But a basketball game and piano playing are? But oh no, she said, those the Lord loves because the girls are doing it for Him. MMMMkay?
So not only do you speak with a forked tongue, you have the audacity to suggest you can read minds? You, who don't know me nor my daughter, know why she performs her dance? And that's it's not for God? Wow. Tell me you're not a judgmental, arrogant, holier-than-thou know-it-all. And and ignorant to boot. Clearly these moms don't know shit about ballet if they think it's a one-woman show. The performance only succeeds when each person plays their part. And not all forms of dance are the same.
Even though David danced NAKED before God. And the Bible calls dance the highest form of worship. But you can't win over the proud with facts. They're too entrenched in their own religious correctness. Which is way worse than political correctness, but again I digress. They just dug their heels in, that sports and music were good and ballet was evil.
And then pulled out what they imagined was the clincher. (But which actually just showed their ignorant hypocrisy the more clearly). Ballet "costumes" were "immoral" and immodest. Girls show off their bodies dancing in their "underwear." Well, a leotard, skirt and tights to be exact. Apparently "tight clothes" leads men to lust. But their daughters flopping around the field and court in skimpy shorts and tank tops, doesn't. Because they weren't displaying their bodies. Or were displaying them for God?? Ewww.
Well, call me simple but, parts is parts. And female bits jiggle the same on the court as on a dance floor More maybe. And if a leotard is "sexy" than so is a jersey. In fact, if polled, I'd bet pervs lust more over a bouncing basketball player than a ballet dancer. But any conversation about young girls being sexy, says a lot more about the dirty pedophile minds of the people having the conversation, than the girls or what they are wearing. And neither boys nor girls are the problem, it's weird pervy adults making what is normal childhood, into something icky. It is disgusting how parents put their sick sexual perversions on beautiful children. Morality, my eye. This is voyeurism, plain and simple.
Having said all that, I see now what I didn't see then, that there was no difference. Or if there was it was in defense of ballet which is classical and elegant and collaborative vs. competitive. These people just preach good old self-righteous double standards cloaked as morality. Wrong is wrong because we say it is. It's whatever we're not doing. And we're right because we're we.
But be that all as it may, I did bow to what seemed to be the moral majority and didn't have my daughter perform dance. Of course, I didn't tell her why because I didn't want her to feel bad. But it was really strange at the talent show how kids were singing, playing an instrument and other performing arts. I mean for goodness sakes it was a TALENT show! And if I'm honest, I heard more pride than Christian humility. And you know, they had a right to be proud of their talent.
People asked me if Molly would be dancing because they were looking forward to it. I wish now I'd just said well, then we won't participate and we'll start our own show where kids won't be shamed for their talents. Turns out I should have. Because Ms. Ballet is Inappropriate, inappropriately inserted herself into the KIDS' talent show with a long, boring self-adulating monologue that wasted half the show and kids had to cut their own performances short. Her main character energy was so awkward. Even my friend who wouldn't shay shit if her mouth was full, was visibly annoyed. People asked me later why we, the organizers, let her ruin the performance. Well, we didn't have much choice. Arlene just grabbed the mic from her child and took over. It was rich, after her lecturing me the on vanity of dance.
So that was one situation. But I wanted further input. Is dance really so evil? So I asked in another homeschool group about what their perception was of ballet. The other one was protestant and this was a Catholic one. But I was pretty sure I'd get the same response. And yes, I admit to starting the conversation, just to hear if and how they would defend their kids hobbies, while maintaining their stance toward ballet.
And they didn't disappoint. I was pretty much nailed to the wall for even saying my daughter did ballet. You'd have thought I suggested prostitution as an after-school hobby. No one came to my support, not even my good friend. I'm not exaggerating what an inquisition it was. It was only afterwards that one mom quietly confided that she'd love for her daughters to dance. But she didn't want to risk her friends' censure. Despite there being no church teaching on it whatsoever.
And then, predictably, they went on to extoll the many virtues of girls' basketball. They even defended swimming over dance. You'll love the logic. So after one smarmy marmy finished her anti-dance tirade, someone pointed out that kids swam together in her pool, scantily clad. And she said, oh no, all the girls have to wear a tee-shirt (!!) I had to applaud the mom of eight boys who said, "oh my God, no that's worse yet! It's just a wet tee-shirt contest!"
So we've compared sports and dance and found no differences, morality wise. So why does the idea persist that dance is somehow not Christian? Because this mentality does still persist. Listen to any of the self-styled "Christian" influencers like the Duggar family. It's this creepy group think that castigates others to make oneself feel important.
But the problem, as I look back, wasn't so much that these homeschool moms acted this way. They shouldn't but that's neither my circus nor my monkeys. The problem is how I kowtowed to their ludicrous double standard BS. Stopping that is where my healing begins.
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